One Small Act

So this morning I stare at this white screen again with my only thoughts being about me being back in bed under the duvet for an extra couple of moments of sleep. Very little thoughts that could change the world. A quick look at e-mails but found nothing to ignite a fire of creativity. Nothing. Not even a spark. Now that creativity has been brought into focus, my thoughts have drifted to music which is one of hugest passions. I absolutely love listening to music and have a wide range of listening tastes right from classical through to those screaming metal heads. I know many people really love music, but for me, it is such an integral part of me that I really wouldn't be the same person if music couldn't be part of my life. What is that "thing" for you that would change your make-up if it was removed?
Is it photography, surfing, rugby, painting, animals, cooking, shopping,...? What would make your like dramatically less rewarding if you couldn't do it any more?

The next question is, what are you doing to cherish that thing? Do you take it for granted what it is that you are able to do or enjoy? Previously, I wrote about gratitude, so here is an opportunity to practise some gratitude and not take life's passions for granted.

Are you able to use that passion to inspire or serve others? What better way to use a passion than to improve the world for others around yourself. Can your passion for animals help raise awareness in others about the atrocities occurring around the globe? Can your creativity inspire others into another higher emotional state? Can your passion ignite another's passion? Giving them the thought, "I'd like to try and do something like that!"

Can you expand on your passion to make some regular activity more exciting? I listen to music when doing pretty much anything, maybe to stop my thoughts drifting (too far) in the silence of my office or while out on a run. The music just seems to keep me focused on what I need to do rather than allowing random distractions to pull my mind away with the slightest of things. Imagine every activity you are involved in being raised to levels of passion similar to "the thing". Imagine that the thought of hanging washing on the line brought a smile to your face or facing a sink full of dishes before bedtime got you really excited. Silly examples but the point I am making is that we need to find some passion in our daily activities as well as that one "thing". Learn to enjoy those menial tasks. Find something in them that makes you feel good. Something that you can proudly say to yourself that you made a difference there. Maybe it's wiping down the coffee station at the office after a careless colleague spilt his drink and didn't notice (or bother) to clean up. Do it with the thought that the next person will be able to use a clean space. Do it without expecting recognition. Do it knowing that you made a difference there. It is such a trivial example but that is how it starts. Start today by doing something small. It really is no sacrifice at all, but persist in doing something small everyday and it will become a habit. In fact you would start feeling really good about it. In fact it could become your "next thing"!
Now think about everyone adopting that same approach of one small act everyday, people would actually begin to change how they treat and respond to one another and the world could actually be changed. I can't make you change but I can do my small act today and hope someone enjoys the benefit. Will you try and do the same?

Keep the Gratitude

Last weekend, on a pretty miserable weather day, I opted to not hit the mountain bike trails but to rather lie-in a bit. In our house that means something around 7 am. Not wanting to have to endure the internal guilt of not doing my quota of training, I hauled out the indoor trainer and settled in for my morning torture session. Sweat towel in position, water bottle filled and earphones in; hit play on the random playlist and start pedalling. I managed to just close my eyes, got a good pedalling cadence established and seemed to drift away with the music. One particular song came on singing, "I am a miracle," and it just struck me (again) how it is a miracle that I am alive and in fact able to ride a bicycle at all. Five years ago, people weren't saying it but is was in many of their minds that my time had come. At one point I too was ready to give up as well. That was five years ago and I have been able to return to do all the things I was able to do before the accident. "I am a miracle!" I have so much to be thankful for and although I have daily reminders of that event, I often forget, or take for granted, that I am still able-bodied and -minded.

Take stock of what your blessings are and what you should be grateful for. I was reading a book and a chapter was discussing gratitude and how we should make it a daily event to state what we are grateful for. I have tried to implement this with our children at bed-time with moderate success.  This is something, that with practise will become a norm. How awesome would a reflection of the day be, remembering all the positives that happened rather than focusing on those 'black spots'? Hopefully, persevering with this bed-time routine, my children will learn to see, and remember, that they have so much rather than expecting more and more all the time.

No matter the circumstances, there is always something to be grateful for. Some days you may have to search a little harder through the fog but there will be days when you won't be able to stop.
Just keep being grateful.

Are You Entitled?

Once again I have this over-whelming awareness that my emotions are being dominated by anger. There is so much going on in the world again that makes being a human embarrassing. Maybe more so, living in South Africa where so much of what we do or can't do, out of fear for our safety, is based on other people's selfish actions. Vandalism and looting of innocent people's property during protest marches is just beyond my comprehension and raises a level of anger best not put into words. I have no issue with protest marches and fully believe we should be able to stand up for what we believe in but when it turns into a free shopping spree, unlawful damage and just plain disruption for those completely unrelated to the reason for the march, then I have real issues and really obscene thoughts in how to deal with such groups of 'people'.

So that is some of the external sources fuelling my anger-fire. I am also aware of some self-fuelling efforts that seem to go on inside my mind as well. I have written about that voice that speaks to you and how it is you who actually has control of what it is telling you. Reject the negative comments and build on the positive. One thing I have learnt of myself is that I can over-build (if there is such a word) on certain positives to the extent that I believe that I am actually entitled to certain things, purely because I have taught myself to believe it. It goes further than that because when in reality, these things don't line up in the way I know to be the "right" way, then I become angered because of the "injustice".

"Don't they know I am entitled to that?"
"I have worked really hard on this so why don't I get more?"
"Look at that guy, driving in his Ferrari. What did he do to deserve it? He must be a drug-dealer!"

It is embarrassing for me to say but yes, those have been real conversations in my head! In confessing this, I am trusting that I am not the only one, that there are others with similar thoughts.

My sense of entitlement is maybe based on jealousy, times of no or little acknowledgement and also acute awareness of those who gain based on nothing but their network of relations rather than actual merit. Just read the local newspapers about our politicians...

The reality is still the reality and dwelling in these moments of 'injustice' does nothing than to fuel that anger-fire even more. As I have written before, pick up the remote and change the channel your mind is tuned into. Find something better to meditate on. Things that are true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable; anything that is excellent or praiseworthy. And yes that is great advice from  the Bible that is applicable to everyone.

Starting today, when that sense of entitlement is feeling a little strangled by what you are experiencing in reality, pause that moment and just check why you believe you are entitled and you may be shocked to see your rationale is not so pure.
(I am just putting it out there that I will probably always believe that Ferrari drivers have some association with drug-dealing though...)

What Do You See?

Perception has always fascinated me as it is such a personal experience. We can all undergo exactly the same situation but could have completely different perceptions of what it meant to you based on your prior experiences, your thought process or even your mood. As a child I had an extreme idea of personal perception; I would wonder if my reality was the same reality the person next to me was experiencing or if this was a Matrix-type of world for each of us. Perhaps we didn't even share the same world we were experiencing. Of course I loved it when the Matrix movie was released, as it echoed some of these thoughts but did make me question reality all over again...
Having friends who were colour-blind encouraged this thinking. "How could two people see the same thing and perceive it completely differently?". I imagined at times that even our language was spoken and interpreted in completely different ways. In the same way that a tree is still interpreted as a tree to the colour-blind person (even though it may be completely brown), could words be heard or even read completely differently but yet interpreted with the same meaning? That's just my crazy thinking!

One test of perception that has always stuck in my mind though, is of a person holding up a piece of paper with a small black dot on the page and asking the audience what they see. The reply is always, "A black dot." That is how our thought patterns have been trained, to identify what is seemingly out of place or is more prominent. What about the rest of the piece of paper? Was it not also held up and in clear view for the audience? It is never identified. Always just the black dot!

Has our perception filter been developed into something that focuses us onto the blemishes rather than the overall good that is there in front of us?

I wonder if the same could be asked of how I (we) have been perceiving the world lately? A few very disappointing experiences with people has resulted in my focus being on those situations and the way it has affected me. I have overlooked the many, many, many... many great people and experiences I have had with them. I have distanced myself from the world and limited my interactions to be purely 'functional'. My defence mechanism in hyper-drive you might say. I can state with absolute certainty that staring at the black dot on the piece of paper does not bring any enjoyment. In fact it doing so reminds yourself and re-emphasizes that the clean sheet of paper has been 'ruined'. The voice in my head constantly saying, "No going back, it is ruined!". And the rest of the clean sheet of paper is just waiting to be put to good use and appreciated...

Time to change my focus off the black dot and live on all of the rest that this great world has to offer.

Now is Always a New Experience

Moving on from finding your 'Now', you have to experience your 'Now' too. Whether it is a unique and exciting adventure or simply waiting at the airport terminal. You have to be there to own the moment. So many times I just get lost in my thoughts I am not really part of the experience and may just lose out on learning something new. Each and every experience is a potential learning experience. We should be exploring the world with eyes of a child, as if we were experiencing things for the first time. Looking for the new in everything. As often as we do seemingly routine tasks, I can guarantee you that there will be something new and unique you can find in each occasion. If you struggle to find the 'New', then make it. Alter your routine slightly, go a different route, sit in a different place. Doing this will place you in new environments where you can find the 'New'. No matter how small or seemingly insignificant the 'New' is, try it.

This is quite a difficult concept for me to adopt as I am a systematic, routine type of person. I think I would be happier if I was in fact a robot! Change is not easy for me and is always accompanied by a mountain of stress. In the world we live in, change seems to be occurring faster and faster or perhaps our lives just seem to be progressing quicker and quicker. Either way we encounter change at a rapid rate. Being stubborn and trying to resist the flood of change is in fact futile. (Saying that, perhaps I am part robot. Star Trek joke for us nerds.) There is so much to gain by using new methods but you will have to try it to really know for yourself.

So this message is probably directed at myself more than anybody else, to let the 'New' happen and work with it to make it a positive 'New' even if it is seemingly wrong. If the change is inevitable or you have little control over the outcomes, then even more reason to work with 'it' to turn it into something positive. Fighting will only bring more anguish and stress. I do not see this as 'giving in' but rather working to make the most of what you are dealt. If you are not going to do it, it is highly unlikely anybody else will do it for you. So take charge of your 'Now' and make the 'New' an experience you want it to be.  

I've Lost My Now

Of recent, I seem to be so future focussed that I have lost touch with my present and now. I was vaguely aware of it but considered the end goal of such importance that the now could wait. Life seemed to be on hold until the plan becomes a reality. I guess the subtle messages I have been receiving have suddenly brought that awareness into scrutiny and has revealed the acute importance of now. I watched a video that explored how our conscience perceives the precise instance of now and that our mind doesn't really exist in a singular moment of time but continually references a window of time to pre-empt what is about to happen so as to be prepared. So our ability to catch a glass falling off a table is as a result of our mind observing the potential risk, predicting that it could fall, understanding from past experience that if it should fall, in which direction it will travel and the consequence of the event. Our mind has already planned a reaction in case of the event before it has even occurred. This is our mind living in the now and millions of such reactions are planned in preparation of the possible scenarios we may encounter. This is reviewed on a micro-scale but the same is true over longer time frames. So in my case, my focus has been on plans for months in the future with very little attention for the current week or even month. A book I picked up to continue reading spoke about young children's impatience and demanding of everything now. "Now is the natural dwelling place for them. They don't spend much time in the past or in the future. Now is always a brand-new adventure." This perceived impatience is really children's "sign of aliveness."

"Now is the only real time."

"Now is their (the children's) best chance for happiness. Now is where they will find love. now is the time to go for it. When they look into now, they see the totality of possibilities."

We seem to drum that enthusiasm out of our children and teach them the 'art' of patience where perhaps we should be learning some of their spontaneity and relish the moment of now and make the most we could of it.

This week I was also reminded how, without any warning and so very quickly, now can be taken away. However fantastic my plans are for next year, the now is what I actually have to work with and I ask my self, "Am I being the best husband, father, son, brother, friend that I can be right now?" How sad if my eulogy read something like, "He wasn't really great to live with in the last few months he was around, but next year he was going to be awesome."

HAPPINESSISNOWHERE

You decide how you want to read that. Is it three words or four? Find your now and work on making it a happy place. Don't forget your future plans but keep your now fully in focus.

When No-One Is Around

When no-one is around, what do you think about? Are you so busy with tasks that you don't move past the focus of the activities that still need to be completed or do you have a tv-mind with infinite channels that keeps hoping from one to the next to the next, pausing momentarily if something catches your eye and then moving on when you get bored?
I'm the latter and sometimes if I am honest with myself, I don't like the channels I am choosing but sometimes I feel that I just don't have the will to change the channel or better yet switch it off and get my mind to do something more constructive.

Is your mind space something you are proud of?
A place you are comfortable to invite people to truly see your inner workings?
What do you say to yourself about others?
What do you say to yourself about yourself?
What do you say to yourself about your future?

If we are being really honest in answering this, I'm sure I can say that we all go through times where we are really ashamed of our program choices. We of course have to process "issues" somewhere and perhaps it is better to resolve or settle things in your mind before verbalising every thought you have... The problem comes about when you keep continuously keep switching back to that channel until by habit it becomes your default setting. Check what your mind is watching and put some keep that remote controls handing to change to something better for your spirit.

Advice About Washing

snuggery - noun [snuhg-uh-ree]
British: a comfortable or cozy room / a snug place or position.

After the recent frustrations I was ranting on about in my last blog, a long weekend was just what the doctor (probably psychiatrist) ordered. A time for some rest in my snuggery. Unfortunately that had to come to an end and with it, the attack on the replenished 'patience tanks' began in earnest again.
I've just realised that it is in fact an attack and is part of a greater scheme to wear me down to breaking point. Guess what? I'm no push-over! I will survive this season and come through all the stronger for this experience. I had a very encouraging talk with a pastor friend of mine who reminded me of what is really important in this life and where we should be placing our focus.

• Firstly on God who will never give us more than we can handle and will be our strength in these trying times. 
• Secondly, our family who usually get our worn-out left-over efforts which are never pretty!

Time to take the focus off the problems and place priority on those whom matter most.
Do what you are able to, to resolve the problems and then leave them in the past. Don't drag them along with you, they become such a weight to bear and don't provide any value at all! The next time you find yourself putting the same thoughts of a problem through your mind's washing machine, stop and check to see if you are actually moving forward in making a solution or if it is just spinning around without water and washing powder. The problem is going to come out in very much the same state it went in, except you have wasted a heap of energy on it. Either, start making plans for the solution or move on to a different task you can make a real difference with. Perhaps that problem wash needs to soak a bit before the marks come out?

Don't Give In To Gravity

Gravity has a purpose. It was specifically designed to enable life on earth as we know it. It is constant and uniform. Some days however,  I can feel that I have overcome gravity and I literally feel like I am bouncing with every step I take. Other days, I feel like the pull of gravity has been dialled up as part of a cruel experiment on this oversized terrarium. I have had this as a physical response when my body is so fatigued that my legs just feel multiple times heavier than they normally do. I have also had this as an emotional response where I have felt the effect of gravity collapsing everything in around me. To be honest, recently the latter feeling has been prevalent more often than the lightness of the almost zero-gravity state. There are many reasons why, the details of which I won't go into here but just that it has been a multi-faceted "attack" on my mind-space and not just a singular incident that has hi-jacked my attention. It has been a gradual building of a load; a little added at a time such that each change seems manageable so I would carry on seemingly unaffected. With each addition however, my threshold of stamina and strength was being drained and with any endurance event, one can only last so long before fatigue will set in. Two things must happen to complete the event, either you must be near or at the end of the race to be able to cross the finish line with the strength you have left or the effort you are placing on yourself must be reduced by slowing down. Well I found the same happening to me except I am nowhere near the finish line so I began to be pulled down. That heavy gravity effect. The world felt like it was being vacuum packed around me, suffocating and squeezing as it was closing in. Yet I still expected myself to keep moving forward with the load placed on my shoulders. I have realised that this is unsustainable and is seriously unhealthy to endure. Fortunately I have not succumbed to physical illness but emotionally I have cut myself out "from life". I think this is my self-preservation approach in highly stressful situations. I tend to withdraw and steer clear of any social interaction as these are stress raisers (for me they are). So as a method to avoid additional stress-load I close myself off and get by with what may be considered the bare minimum 'acceptable' interaction before a psychologist is called in. The problem with this approach is that it provides you with so much time to process and re-process the same issues in your mind until that is all you can think of.

I wrote previously of the downward spiral you can find yourself in when you get so inward focussed on the problems that you lose sight of where you should be going and where your focus really should be.
Once again, I have found myself spinning down that spiral despite knowing the correct approach.
How many others find themselves going in a similar direction?
That downward pull of gravity can be substantial and should not be under-estimated. The good news is that it is not insurmountable you can stand up and rise from the downward force of the gravity.

Gravity has a purpose. Just don't give in to it.

We Are the Craftsmen

I had some time to pass while waiting the other evening so managed to read two really short books. (I am an extremely slow reader so they were really short!) The two were quite well linked in terms of content and the message flowed from the one to the next, almost seamlessly. I wanted to share some gems from my reading in this blog.

The first reading introduced something called "the flow state". This is explained as the state you enter when you are doing something and time almost seems to stand still or fade away; your focus is so intense it is "superhuman intense"; the work you do seems effortless and at the same time energises and satisfies you.

The book asked questions like, when last did you experience such a state and what were you doing?

I know when I do coding, I enter this "flow state" as it just seems to be an extension of my self and I can spend hours in that state and find it extremely satisfying (when it compiles and executes as intended). Perhaps I missed my calling...  Can you recall your "flow state"?

The next book was titled "Your Move" by CJ Casciotta and there were some paragraphs that really jumped off the page and I'll copy them here as I wouldn't do them justice by rewriting in my own words.  You will see that there is a musical metaphor running through this boom which of course appealed to me but I am sure you can see the intended symbolism with your dreams and goals.

"You can keep a tune in your head your entire life but until you scratch the notes out on paper and play it, it will never come to life."

"...symphonies start with movements, and movements start with measures, and measures start with chords, and chords start with a single note."

"...I am convinced there are a million creations sitting at the bottom of an ocean of souls begging to be explored, recovered, polished, and treasured, if we could only dive deep enough to hear their cries."

We have been so conditioned by being mature and grounded that the imagination of our youth has been buried in unattainable depths, instead of being allowed to flourish and sprout into wonderful, fantastic creations. We are so busy planning and preparing for tomorrow that we lose out on today. "...the investment we were hoping for was fixed on the future, at the neglect of the present."

"Truly skilled makers don't just make the tangible; they have somehow learned to create the unseen as well. They resolve to become experts at crafting space while carving away comparison, geniuses at smoothing away lies and doubt while sealing in silence and solitude, understanding that this type of craftsmanship is vital to the health and sustainability of their vision."  I wish every task I undertook had the same craftsmanship as described in that paragraph. It becomes a work of art rather than just another deliverable. I imagine if this wish was attainable then every task would become a "flow state" task and a permanent state of nirvana could be achieved.

I watched a documentary and was struck by two individuals who were so satisfied with their jobs that they could not say enough about how great it was and how proud they were to be doing what they were doing. One was sheeting/cladding installer on buildings and the other was a dent remover for a ship building company. Now, I wouldn't have been so enthralled doing either of those jobs but they had such passion for their work and understood that their contribution was extremely important and were proud they could be involved. They have learned to see the real craftsmanship where I only saw a task. Perhaps we should stop for a second, look at our own crafts and skills and appreciate the unique craftsmanship we have to offer.

"You matter. It matters. We belong to a world split into a million fragments, trampled by news clips and sound bites all reinforcing a hopeless future. We desperately need to hear music again, the kind only you can bring. We don't care if it's quiet at first. We could use a little less noise. let the symphony begin. We're waiting to hear you."

'Nicks' and 'Gashes'

One man's hovel may be another man's castle.

There's a fit for everyone. What you may value, may not necessarily be what your neighbour values. This is probably more prevalent in South Africa with the broad cultural and economic base we have. The variety of cars we drive is probably an easy example to demonstrate this, although fashion, homes, social tier and cell phones are equally good examples. I cannot logically spend more than the cost of my house on my car. That's my internal reference control measure of acceptability. Others may see the car as an extremely important representation of themselves to the world and can therefore justify sacrificing on other areas of expenditure or be willing to live in debt.
The point is, that we have different reference levels based on our make-up and individual experiences and needs. Similarly, our response to stress is no different. One man's minor upset could be a real life-changing event for another. "We were planning to have peach cobbler for dessert with our guests but the grocer ran out of peaches." For someone who places huge importance on an event being just perfect, down to matching the colour of the napkins and table decorations to what is being served, this could be a major stress in their life. For someone who doesn't eat every day, this would be of little concern, as what ever is available is a blessing to them.

How have you set up your stress measure control?
A cut on your toe will get very little attention when you have a gaping wound on your chest.

What happens when you have a major event going on that raises your level of stress? How much stress can you actually deal with? The event I am speaking of is in the magnitude of job insecurity, health complications and personal safety or rather lack thereof. No peach cobbler type issues, those are the nicks-on-your-toe type events in comparison.
Unfortunately I don't have the answer for everyone, but I can only suggest that you make sure you are monitoring exactly what it is that is putting you under stress.

• Categorise them. Label them "nicks" or "gashes" so you know what needs your attention. 
• Talk about them with someone you trust. An alternative viewpoint may just reveal that some of those "gashes" aren't really as serious as you perceived them to be. 
• Make an action plan for the gashes and park the nicks until you feel you have enough of the gashes resolved. Having a plan to deal with the stress will give you some affirmation that there is a way forward. Even if it is a long-term plan, it is far better to focus on the path leading to the solution than just staring at the problem, compounding your stress. Give the plan more attention than the actual stress.
• Stress has a significant effect on one's body, especially if for prolonged periods, so find something that you enjoy doing that can replenish your "happy hormones". And I have to mention it, exercise and a healthy way of eating will also help to restore serotonin that is released by the body to deal with stress.

If you are fortunate enough to not be going through a major event, then don't treat the "nicks" as "gashes". As inconvenient and uncomfortable as they may be, they are still only nicks. Don't elevate them just because they can take you focus at this point. Save your energy and efforts for when the real gashes come.

My Hope For Other's Dreams

What stood out this week? Or rather, what positive event stood out this week as the news was full of horrific stories again so I won't even go there... ?

Hope!

A unique human quality of looking into the future and being expectant of an outcome. Maybe animals possess it on a very short time line perspective. My dogs watching my children eating, hopeful of a morsel dropping to the floor, as an example. But they don't look forward to next week and hope that we buy them a new bed or even to tomorrow, that the bowl of food is a little deeper than usual. Theirs is a very limited hope. We on the other hand, can extend of view years into the future and hope for a certain outcome. What are the things you are hoping for? How far into the future are you reaching for? And here's the clincher, how selfish are your hopes? Are they all about you and what you want to achieve or are their some that are purely for others, where you will have zero benefit other than the joy of seeing their dreams realised. I must admit, if I think quickly about what I am hoping for, I am pretty much on the selfish list! I of course have those 'hopes' of a peaceful country, a cure for cancer, better education for all, and so on and so on... but very few specific hopes for specific people in need. I hope I am the minority here and those reading this have far more worthy hopes than myself. There is of course, nothing wrong with personal hopes and dreams but (talking to myself now) don't become completely self-absorbed in yourself. Allow yourself to empathise with another's circumstances and then a hope for a breakthrough for them will develop in you. Everybody needs to have a level of hope and should grasp onto that hope with all they have. Even if it is the slightest thought of something better than where they are now. Without hope, you will have a dreary view of life and a very quick, slippery slide down into depression will ensue. On the other hand, if there is a hope for something small, there is reason to get up and actively look for it. One hope ignites another and another and another. Before long a hope inferno will be raging that others can't help but notice and be inspired. Helping others achieve their hopes and dreams will spread that flame further than your limited boundaries. Once again I ask you, what are the things you are hoping for? What are you doing to help someone else achieve their hopes? Once again, I am so far off the mark on this one, but have realised where I am and will make the change. Will you...?

The Light

This week I have had a number of messages and suggestions revolving around a theme of light so I thought I should explore it a little, embrace the light maybe...

"Sickening, weakening

Don't let another sombre pariah consume your soul

You need strengthening, toughening

It takes an inner dark to rekindle the fire burning in you

Ignite the fire within you

When you think all is forsaken

Listen to me now (all is not forsaken)

You need never feel broken again

Sometimes darkness can show you the light

Don't ignore, listen to me now (all is not forsaken)

You need never feel broken again

Sometimes darkness

Can show you the light"  

by Disturbed - The Light 

These lyrics stood out for me the other day and reminded me that sometimes, we need to be in a dark place in order for us to appreciate how good the light is. Being in the dark is also a time where we can see where the source of light is, even if it is only a speck way off in the distance but we can at least identify the direction we should be heading to be able to relish the light again. "It takes an inner dark to rekindle the fire burning in you," sounds quite sinister but the truth is that sometimes we need to be in a really bad space in order to trigger (rekindle) that desire to be great again, to pursue those things that motivate us. I don't believe those fires ever really go out; perhaps diminished or just far from your mind, but never completely out. The busyness of living overshadows what you really want to be doing and you neglect fuelling your inner fire. Stop! Check where you are. Is the light just beginning to fade, maybe an almost indistinguishable fade if you didn't stop to observe it? Perhaps you are already in a space of complete darkness without even realising that you have drifted so far? Maybe you have already set your focus back onto the light and are journeying back again? We all do this journey many times over through our lives and unfortunately the journey into the dark can be traumatic and full of pain but every so often we have to stop ourselves, even before "you think all is forsaken", and find out where the light is and redirect our efforts towards the light. Perhaps you have sufficient light to be able to guide someone else out of their darkness - do it. Even the smallest flame pierces through the darkest night.

Don't wait till you are in complete darkness as the journey back will just be unnecessarily longer than it needs to be. Start now, revel in the light.

Those with a Christian ethos, can also appreciate the symbolism here of dark and light and the constant spiritual battle that wages on. This too is a constant journey into and out of God's light. Not because of Him but because of our actions and attitudes in this life. Choose to be in the light.

It's Not About the 'ME' and 'I' Any More!

I have mentioned it before but my top peeves are arrogance and selfishness. This week my mind has been pre-occupied with the tragic events of Sunday morning when Jared Dwyer and Richard da Silva were murdered while cycling on the M4. It was murder, because when you get into a car intoxicated, way over the legal limit and then start racing another vehicle, it is murder! I am angered to such a degree that individuals can actually be so selfish and so self-absorbed that they can behave in such a manner. Their "fun" has lead to the loss of lives with tremendous impact on family, friends and the whole community they interacted with. What about the passengers in the car? They too are responsible for allowing the driver to actually get behind the wheel. These days, there are so many alternative means of getting around if you see things getting out of hand. At 33 years of age, you really should be mature enough to make responsible decisions. My heart aches for the families and the unnecessary loss they have had to experience. I pray this is the last and that Richard's and Jared's lives create the start of a shift in people's minds, that we have to live together in this land.

It's not about the 'me' and 'I' any more, it's about the 'we' and 'us'.

"Love your neighbour as you love yourself."
"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves."

Imagine a land where people actually help one another rather than always trying to see what they can gain. I was pleasantly surprised the other day when I was clearly battling to parallel park (insert red face here) as a pedestrian stopped and help guide me in. He took time out of what he was doing (with friends) and helped me get into that very tiny parking spot... What a simple thing to do which probably cost him less than a minute but made a huge impact on me.

What have you I done recently to selflessly help someone else?

In our daily routines, let's actively seek out opportunities to help someone else, strangers even. Don't wait for the right time or place to do something good for somebody else, do it now. We are all busy and waiting for the 'right' time or when it is 'more convenient' is actually selfish. It has to cost you something, even it it's just 60 seconds of your time, that's what selfless means. You have to think less of your self and value others more.  Do this often enough and it will become habit. Just imagine this attitude going viral and everyone behaving in this manner? A country of selfless people! I can only think how great things would follow when we all adopt this mindset and I truly believe it is really not that difficult to do, it just relies on me and you taking the first step of selflessness. I'm in!

Don’t Let Your Grumbling Overshadow Your Gratitude!

So Friday morning routines are seemingly a problem for me in 2016. Well actually Thursday nights and falling asleep to be precise!!! Anybody have recommendations for natural remedy solutions?

Before I start let me clarify that there is nothing wrong with my health but a story I read made me think…

What if you were told you had a curable disease but there were no available facilities to treat you in the time frame you required, so you are likely to pass on before you could get the medical attention you needed?

How would you process that information?

Getting the news that you have a life-threatening disease would be traumatic in itself but at least you have the consolation that, with treatment, you will make it through. Having that lifeline (literally) dangling in front of you but just out of reach must be the ultimate level of frustration imaginable. Imagine if this was you or one of your family members. How helpless you must feel! The account that I read about, was written from the perspective of a daughter whose mother was diagnosed with stage 2 cancer. Her mother was able to be allocated a treatment position but a fellow patient was not so fortunate and required a specialised machine for her treatment. Because of the volumes of patients requiring the same treatment from the single available machine, the first appointment was more than a year away which would more than likely be too late for her. The doctors commented that they have to deliver this same news to patients every day.

I could, in some manner, understand this situation if we lived in a primitive country where access to technology was limited and the level of governmental wealth was a real problem. Even in those situations external aid can be engaged to supplement short-falls where human life is in jeopardy. This is not the case in South Africa. We have some of the best technical facilities available and our government certainly has resources available to use (unfortunately in misallocated ways though). This is a tragic situation and requires immediate response. I don’t have a solution but would definitely sign up for any action to find a remedy for the problem. (Any ideas would be welcome.)

I am fortunate enough to be alive and healthy. I have so much to be grateful for and thank God every day for the breath in my lungs. I do grumble (a lot) but I am truly thankful for what I have.  I often sit back and just smile when watching my family and what we have together.

Don’t let your grumbling overshadow your gratitude!

Take stock in the moment, right now even, of 3 things you are grateful for. It is actually really easy to think of more, the difficulty is to stop what you are busy with and do it. I’m going to try this every day and will try to think of 3 new things every day.

1.    I am alive & healthy.

2.    I have an awesome family.

3.    It is Friday :)

What are your three things for today?

Sloughing (pronounced "sluffing")

The break is over and I am getting back into a routine, well of sort...

I recently read a Facebook post about outgrowing the image other people have of you and that you should never shrink back to fit their image again just to make them feel comfortable. In my haste of reading the quote the first time, I misread or possibly just jumped to my own interpretation of what the writer was intending to say. My mis-insight was that you can outgrow your own self-image. In mind I started thinking about the times when I actually start to feel uncomfortable in my own skin. I feel like I am bursting at the seams of my self and I need to change something. The advice to not shrink back, I believe, holds probably more truth in this scenario than in the intended message. To shrink back would mean a lost opportunity to further develop yourself, encounter new things, to live!

How often have you felt uneasy about where you are and what you are doing? Are you content and satisfied with your current position? This is always a tricky topic, because as a Christian, I am supposed to be content in all my circumstances. So how can I be content and still feel uncomfortable and desire change? Is that not a human characteristic to be striving for continuous improvement? Yes I believe it is and I believe that I can still be very happy in my current circumstances but at the same time have aspirations and goals of where I would like to be.

Back to outgrowing your self-image. If I stayed in my self-image that I had as a teenager, my life would be very different now and I would probably be one of those solitary 'Goth-types' lurking in the shadows of reality. Fortunately, as one experiences more of life and what truly matters, priorities and perspectives change and so does your self-image. How you fit into that perspective and what you are contributing will change your perception of your self-worth. Hopefully the experiences and your involvements are more 'image-growth' type events rather than 'image-diminishing' types. The advice to not shrink, encourages us to be contributors, to grow our self-image so that we do not devalue ourselves over time. There are enough people out there trying to do that for us, let's not add to their efforts. We are incredible beings that should be constantly appreciating in value.

When you feel that bursting at the seams feeling, it means you are getting ready to slough. Just as a snake sheds its skin to grow, so too must you shed your self-image skin to allow your growth.

11 12 15

11   12   15
That's today's date and the time has passed by so quickly that it feels like the year has skipped out a few months in its sequence as well. My hope is that I wrap-up this year with the ability to look back and see a year that has passed, filled with moments of laughter, love and joy, of making a difference. I'm sure we could all recall many negative events that have happened but I choose now, to diminish their importance in my mind and elevate the moments that bring me my peace and happiness.

I keep getting a song on my playlist that has the line something like:
"You can occupy my every sigh, You can rent a space inside my mind At least until the price becomes too high ..."

Well what is too high a price, for you?

I think the real estate value of my mind is extremely high and any space that is occupied should be used on worthwhile causes rather than brooding over problems that I could likely never solve anyway.

I'm going to be brief today, but hope that you consider very carefully the for rent space you offer out
today. Think twice before allowing the space to be occupied by unwanted tenants. You are after all, the landlord and have full jurisdiction over your land. In fact I'd go so far as to take the "For Rent" sign down and revert to a "By Invitation Only" policy.

The Bucket Theory

So three weeks to Christmas! Today sees the second of three of our work Christmas lunches. Maybe it's just anti-social me, but honestly who needs three parties where one would suffice? Perhaps next year the money allocated for these functions could be far better utilised. There are so many deserving causes in desperate need of support. Think for a moment, if all corporates adopted a strategy of giving during the Christmas period (image that for a novel idea). How many destitute people would benefit instead of making us fat cats even fatter! ....Just a seed I had to plant.

Let me just put it out there, I abhor waste. Waste in any form really gets my blood boiling. Wasting my time has to be one of my top pet peeves as I value my time as one of the most precious resources available to me. Money is great, but my time out ranks all forms of wealth as we only have finite time available to us and we have to use it wisely. Do not waste a single second that is gifted to us. Having come close to the precipice of death, I am acutely aware of how fragile life is. In a moment a life can be extinguished and that is an eternal event that cannot be reversed. That sounds rather dramatic, but it is!

While you can, make wise choices, be careful with your actions and even more so with your words.
My Mom always used to tell us, "If you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all!" I often wonder if that's why I am so sparing with my words...

Spend time with those who make you feel alive and fill your life bucket with love. In return you should strive to do the same for others. It is the Christmas season so people are generally in a festive and celebratory mood, so now should be the easiest time to start filling other people's buckets. What is in your bucket does not last forever and is depleted over time. The only way to fill it, is to fill other people's buckets. It sounds counter-intuitive, but by pouring out your love, you make space for a fresh filling of new love. It sounds very "new-agey" but as a person who goes through cycles of isolation and then being social, I can attest to the validity of this process. I feel fine in my cave for a while enjoying the peace and distraction-free environment, but as my life-bucket drains, nothing fills it like the love from another person. I am fortunate to have an amazing wife and two awesome boys who constantly fill my bucket regardless of my disposition at the time. Believe it or not, but I can be quite moody and have serious bouts of "the grumps". Thank you for always being my bucket fillers.
I hope at times, I also add to your (and other's) buckets too. Go out and fill some buckets in addition to the Christmas stockings.

Turn Down the Panic!

'Twas the time before Christmas, and all through the land
Everyone was bustling including the mice!

It just seems like the crazy time when everything has to be finished before the year closes off. Everyone is working at 110% effort to meet their deadlines so stress levels are at an all-time high. You can almost smell the volatility in the air. Incidents that would previously have gone by almost unnoticed, ignite the situation into a raging inferno. Turn the panic level down. Dial the temperature down. Focus on what needs to be done and execute it with a logical systemic approach. If things arise that interfere with your plan, assess their importance and put it into the appropriate action container:

1. Pass it, 
2. Park it, 
3. Process it.

Letting the originator of the interference know, exactly where they are in the priority queue is very important too. They can then decide if they need to take alternative action with their request and/or back away from you very, very slowing without making any sudden movements!

Turn down the panic! How great would it be to start your holiday break already feeling calm? It's usually only when you are well into the second week of leave that the blood returns to the burnt out shell and you start to feel relaxed and human again. But then it's into Christmas, New Year's parties and suddenly you're back at work again. I'm not saying, take your foot off the gas and cruise to end of year but rather, keep up the effort, but in a calm and structured manner. 

I can hear the snorts and jeers out there. 

"You have no idea what I have to get through in the time available!" 

You are probably right, but then again you have no idea what I have to get through too! 

The best attack is with well laid plans. Organisation and structure. Turn down the panic! It doesn't assist in achieving your goals in any way. Your calm and demonstration of organisation could actually assist those working around you to do the same. Calmness is as contagious as panic! Choose what you want to spread. #TurnDownThePanic

Listen To Your Voice

As a non-confrontational sort, I tend to avoid conflict as much as possible. I prefer to try and please everyone, even to the point of my own detriment. This week, I've had this thought of writing about tough choices we have to make and how many different voices we listen to in order to make the final choice. Yesterday I happened to be clearing out emails and happened across a blog that has been hovering in my inbox for a while. It was titled "Discover The Power of Your Voice" by Allison Vesterfelt. I thought it would be an article about confidence, public speaking and finding your literal voice! What it was, was actually echoing my current writing thoughts of decision making and empowering your own voice such that you can make your own decisions and be happy with it. (I encourage you to read her article as it is more than just my one pager and I think everyone could get something out of it.)

"How can you possibly measure your success or progress or integrity in life if you’re measuring by other people’s standards? The measuring stick is constantly shifting, depending on your circumstances, your situation, your surroundings, or who is doing the asking. You feel pulled between your boss, your mom, your friends, your spouse, and maybe, just maybe, some very quiet, inner-voice. And at some point, you will let one or more of them down. You cannot possibly meet so many expectations." - Allison Vesterfelt

How true is that! All those voices "helping" and "guiding" us to make a decision but ultimately it is you who has to live with the outcome. Perhaps we should be giving a bit more authority to our own voice. I know I am facing decisions that has the potential to affect a number of people and boy do I have a lot of people's voices in my head making their point of view and opinions known. Even in my mind, I still try to keep the peace and try and see how I could satisfy the requirements of every one of those voices. I realise now that it is impossible to do that, all the time. I am going to sacrifice myself and my power to decide what I want for myself and my family. I won't (can't) ignore the voices completely, and there will be times (many) when I will need an external opinion or a firm direction-shifting rebuke to keep me going in the right track, but I have my own voice and I trust what it tells me.

How well do you know yourself? It seems a bit of a strange question but is quite pivotal in understanding how you deal with situations and why your inner voice is speaking to you as it does.

According to your voice, are you someone who always has things happen to you or do you take it on the chin and say to yourself, "Let's deal with it!" ?

If you believe things just happen to you, there is an underlying belief that you have no control of circumstances, whereas the opposite also holds true. If you make life happen, you are in control.
How you react to situations is also within your control. You have the power to change your response to situations. You can choose to remain in a place of anger, frustration or depression or you can accept your lot and decide to make the most of your circumstances and plan your way forward.

Listen to your voice and learn to actually hear what it is telling you. You must process what it is saying. If what it is telling you, is not going to improve your situation, rethink it. Re-program it to take out the negativity. Eventually you will learn to trust that what it is telling you, is the best for you and it will be.

Intolerant of Tolerance

I am becoming rather alarmed at the response to the graphic social media posts of the images of criminals gunned down in the pursuit of their "trade". The posts are ones of cheers and celebration. I don't know what bothers me more, the increasing number of these posts or the fact that I am cheering and celebrating with each one. I can look at the image of a man's lifeless body, lying in a pool of blood and feel absolutely no compassion for him. I feel almost a sense of relief that there is one less criminal out there that could threaten the lives of my loved ones. How have I (we) degenerated to such an extent that I am celebrating and even desiring more death, even if it is of the criminal persuasion. I am being brutally honest here but in the light of the subject being discussed, that is all that is warranted. I pride myself in being a very calm and level-headed person so finding myself caught up in this just sets the thermometer of the frustration level that is bubbling in our country. If I, as the calm and sensible type, am reaching the point of wanting to take up arms myself, then how much more are the radicals and impulsive types boiling over with intolerance and even more severe thoughts of violence. How long before the scales of reason and sensibility are toppled by rage and frustration? Even the fireworks have sparked new levels of intolerance because of selfishness and disrespect, on both the for and against groups. We have become intolerant of being tolerant. We all want what we want and screw everybody else. (There was a more emotive word in my mind but I decided to edit it out.)

How did we get here? More importantly, how do we get out of this situation?

It's easy to point a finger and blame the government for the turmoil we find our country in. A change in government will definitely be a move in the right direction but it is not the government's duty to control our emotions. What they do will certainly influence how we feel but each one of us has the power to decide how we react. It is within each one of us to change our perspective and consider our neighbour as we consider ourself. When this starts becoming commonplace amongst all of us then I believe we will see radical transformation. While we are still only looking out for ourself, I am sorry to say that I don't believe there is much hope.
It is going to be a very long and trying road to eradicate the heat under the cauldron of frustration and anger and to heal from the damage that has already been done. However, the longer we delay embarking on that journey, the more we will see loss of life and the greater the amount of healing that will be required.

God, please heal our land.

Change the Channel

I am a really slow reader so when I choose a book, it's a bit like a marriage commitment. I have to be really drawn into the content to persevere through to the last page. If it becomes a chore requiring more effort than enjoyment, the book becomes yet another place holder on my bookshelf.
I have just started a new self-help book and it is echoing the sentiments of my recent blogs so has piqued the attention of my internal antennae. The gist of the book is learning how to realise that "Life Loves You", the title of the book, and that it is you who can change your life to an amazing experience beyond a mere existence. I won't regurgitate the author's work here but when something really stands out I will certainly borrow the concept and add my slant on it.

Almost as a confirmation of my blog two weeks ago about taking control of your thoughts, a concept in the first few chapters of the book has struck a note:
The thoughts we have in our head, whether a recurring fleeting image or a long playing complicated high definition movie, often sound, look and feel so real that we believe they are true. The real truth is that they are NOT REAL. They are just your thoughts. The second part of that is just as profound, 'YOUR' thoughts. They belong to you, created by you, are controlled by you and are certainly not larger than you. You are in control and can chose how to react to whatever is in your mind at any time. My way of relating this concept is watching the tv and allowing the content to tell you what to do, act and feel. You are in control of the remote, change the channel!

I realise we are not robots and stressful or emotional situations are not easily forgotten or changed with the ease of pressing a button. We have to process events to move through and past them. I am referring to that constant replay-thought that keeps reminding you of something you failed at or didn't achieve. Those are the channels to monitor and change as soon as it affects your perception of loving life or living it.

"Life doesn't just happen to you; it happens for you."  - Louise Hay.

The Air in My Lungs

Recently, I have been having quite a few flash backs to my bike accident and my time in hospital. There is rarely a day that passes without me thinking about that time but usually they are in fleeting snapshots that appear and are gone. The recent images have turned into mini-movies with much more detail, probably because I had entered and have completed a road race after a number of years of abstinence. I am not writing this message to gain more sympathy for the accident as that event has long passed and I have, without a doubt, been miraculously healed. What is pertinent about having these re-runs is a reminder of the promise I made to myself to make this life count. With that accident, I had been given a serious jolt to give my all to this life.

There is a verse in a song that goes like this:
Every day we live, We get one more chance
To use the air in our lungs To make something that counts
And now we wanna be the ones To build something that lasts. - "Bright Eyes" by Ever Stays Red

So reminding myself, that every day is another chance to forget yesterday's mistakes and get on and make a difference in this world today. Not aiming to build a mansion adorned with objects that will fade and rust to nothing, but to focus on building "something that lasts".  For me that is my faith in God and the promise of an eternity with Him. In addition to that, it's what I do with and for my family. Sure I can work 24/7 to enable the buying of 'things' for them but one day when I am gone what will remain? What will their attitude be? Will they miss the "things" or the person? Hopefully the latter, if I am doing what I set my mind to while lying in that hospital bed. Further afield, I have been given the privilege of sharing these thoughts and messages with a greater audience and even people I may never meet. The feedback I get is always encouraging for me so I am motivated to persevere with my 'ramblings'.

This week, take a moment to consider what you are grateful for. Even it is just the air in your lungs, you have an incredible opportunity to use, to make a difference, or at least try...

Look around yourself. We are all so inward focused that often, we don't see (and at times choose not to see), those that need some lifting up. I've said it before, it could be the simple act of just listening to or acknowledging someone who is going through something difficult, because we all have our challenges to overcome. But be that person who breaks the mould and offers a hand up.

Use that air in your lungs and start building the things that last.

Viruses of the Mind

Having spent a few nights in Jo'burg this week, I can happily report that I love my own home and I miss my family that makes it home. How people do this on a regular basis for even longer periods is beyond my comprehension. Surely one gets married and has a family to be a part of it not apart from it?

I can also report that I enjoy my own company. As much as I missed my family, I really do enjoy quiet spaces and just kickin' back with me and my thoughts. Most people will probably understand that certain people are like this, even if they can't relate because they crave the company of others. For an an introvert, I think it is imperative to be comfortable with yourself, otherwise there may be a risk of a feeling that there is absolutely no-one you are truly comfortable with. It can also be an extremely lonely experience if you can't enjoy being with yourself.
I say this is important for introverts as I know from personal experience, but I also believe we should all have enough self-worth to appreciate periods of quiet time without becoming derogative towards yourself. There are people who constantly criticise themselves and are overly critical of everything they do. I used to be there and I can tell you it is a very unhappy place to be. Slowly I started to realise that there are certain things I can do fairly well, I have certain (positive) characteristics that make me distinct and actually I can be a "pretty nice guy". This transformation did not happen over-night, but was a slow shift of recognising the negative thoughts and stopping them before they tainted my mind completely. Consciously switching to something that I could remember doing well or a goal I was working towards and the progress made thus far. It is not easy and takes discipline and constant monitoring of your thoughts. I guess it's a bit like a computers anti-virus for your mind!

We all have those dark and dreadful incidents we are better off forgetting, that keep dropping into our minds. Don't let them pull you down from where you have advanced to. Take that incident and see how you have survived and over-come it. It was terrible and nothing can change that now, but don't let that rule over you and keep you in that dark space forever. You are worth far more than that. You are stronger than that. You deserve far greater than that.

Activate that anti-virus and clean out those negative-thought-viruses that are hampering your system and get yourself back to optimum performance.

Remember Priority #1

We are mid-way through October, Christmas decorations are hitting the stores and people are already planning office end-of-year parties. Although I have just had a fantastic break, I have a general feeling that people are in survival mode, just hanging in for the final push till year-end. I thought this advice may help those who are feeling a little stretched...

If you are just living to get to work, pay your bills and get back to work then you are not really living at all. You have to find time to do the things that you really love. At some point you need to make these things priority number 1.

Leave the washing up, leave that the tap that needs a new washer, the car that needs cleaning can wait a bit longer too. Leave all those important and necessary things and go and do something you love to do. Whatever it may be, go and do it. Don't do it with a guilty conscience reminding you of all that you still need to do. Remember you have made this priority number 1 so it has to be done now above everything else, so the to-do's can wait their turn!

There is something rejuvenating about following your passion. It recharges your internal spring and gives you back what surviving daily life takes out. After taking care of priority number 1, you'll feel infinitely more motivated and ready to take on the rest of your challenges. You may even feel inspired to tackle them in a completely different way!

As I have mentioned before, I love to exercise, so getting out into the bush on my bike or getting my running shoes moving down the road is what I do as my priority number 1. Maybe reading a book could be yours or perhaps it is sitting on a quiet beach, early in the morning watching the sun come up over the waves. Whatever it is, make sure it is a 'living event'; something that has an element of inspiration and upliftment for yourself. Sleeping for instance, although it may be a high priority for a new mother, it isn't really what I am promoting for the majority here. Do something that will benefit your mind, body and soul. If your priority number 1 activity ticks those boxes then it is a worthy priority. Being unique individuals, we all have different definitions or interpretations of mind, body and soul activities so be unique and fill your boxes in your own way. Remember to review your to-do's regularly and ensure you get priority number 1 spot every now and again.

Don't Lose Your Fire

I have spent most of the last week whining and complaining because of circumstances around me and especially issues related to work and the workplace. I had to stop myself, rewind all that negative footage and focus on what is still good and where I can be an influencer.
 In our office we have some really excellent, top quality people who all they really want to do is to put in an honest day's work and be suitably rewarded. Some stick their neck out for a cause that could benefit everyone and summarily get it chopped off before all the facts are considered. My message today is to not be discouraged. Keep on doing what it is you feel compelled to do. Do not let your circumstances change your passion and even your character. Do not let your fire be extinguished. This is rather the time to fan that glowing ember back into a roaring fire as there are so many others whose flames have died out and become lumps of cold coal. All they may need is a bit of fire from your flame to re-ignite their passion again. Imagine if we all let our passion die out? What a dull grey existence we would have to carry out. But imagine if all our flames joined together. What an intense energy there would be! This sounds rather like an incitement to rebel. In contrary it is an encouragement to not lose the passion of working together despite circumstances. Rules and procedures have their place but people are what matter more. Extinguish the fire in the people and there will be no life. Fan those fires in the right way and an unstoppable force will be raised.

It is October 2015 already. It may not be the same out there, but for most of the 'workers' in my office, it has been a tough year (and not because of their own doing). Circumstances out of their control have resulted in really difficult working conditions. As always the team pulls together to get the job done. I put challenge out there now to get your fires stoked, fan them up and finish the year strong. Forget working for that bonus, Forget working for that recognition from your boss, rather work for the benefit of your colleagues and most importantly, work for the benefit of yourself.  Let these last few months of the year be filled with fun. Remember when you enjoyed what you were doing. Bring those times back. Brush off those things that have been annoying you. Let your fire burn them up. Let that fire brighten your colleagues workspace so he can perform better and brighten another's workspace. Soon the heat will be un-containable...

25 minute Workout

Every time I see one of those adverts or emails promising six-pack abs in an “easy 25 minute workout” or “master the guitar with this simple system”, I dive right in to see what it is all about. Why? Because I have this eternal optimism that one of them will reveal to me a simple way to achieve great results. Sadly, the truth is that hard work is the only guaranteed method to achieve great results. Hoping and waiting for a quick-fix is a complete gamble and the only guarantee is that you are delaying achieving your goals. Start your workout today. Even if it is only an 8 minute one, it is 8 minutes more than you did yesterday. Find a system that works for you and the current threshold you can withstand. It will be painful and require some sweat and effort from your part, but that’s the definition of hard work. If you haven’t exercised in years, diving straight into a marathon will put you off any further exercise for the rest of your life. Start small but with the mind-set of building blocks. Use the slow or seemingly insignificant start as the warm-up to build some basic movement in your body. Allow your muscles to become accustomed to this new regime. Don’t do too much but just enough to feel your heart-racing and a sweat develop. From there, build your strength to enable you to go a bit further or work a bit longer. Get advice on what you should be doing in your routines from people in the know who have travelled done similar roads before you. Lear from their experiences and adapt what will be useful for your journey. Soon you will be smashing your own 25 minute workout and be well on your way. It won’t be easy but nothing worthwhile is.

This is of course not only true for physical exercise and goals, but for most goals you want to achieve. The first step may be as simple as requesting the registration forms for that study course you have been putting off for a while now. Once the ball is rolling, it will be easier to gather momentum. The greatest effort is to just get it rolling. Don’t even spend a further moment contemplating that first step. Take it now! 

The Metamorphosis

If you are not sure what this whole life thing is about or you are constantly trying to find some meaning or purpose for your being placed here, then I congratulate you. You have reached a point that has surpassed merely existing and are now trying to make a purpose for yourself.

There are so many "existers" in this world when we need more "purposers".

The "existers" float around, aimless, drawn into random experiences one after the other. Some of these are quite useful and value adding but the "exister" was just pulled in by mere chance. A "purposer" has direction and an end goal in mind. They are conscience about every choice they have to make and whether it is taking them closer to or drawing them away from that end goal.

If you have reached that transition point where you are questioning your "exister" phase, then you are ready to become a "purposer". This transition phase may be quick for some and may last for years for others. I have not yet fully metamorphosized into a complete "purposer" yet and have been in this phase for some years. It can be frustrating. Very frustrating. The longer you are in that cocoon of change, the more driving is that desire to have a purpose. It becomes a desperate existence. That cocoon feeling almost like a trap. Take hope, in that the struggle you are feeling, is building strength in you, it is driving you to find that purpose that really gets you excited about life. Something unique that fits your personality and heart's desires. Don't get so frustrated that you take the first opportunity you see to get out. It may be a tear in your cocoon and you are not ready for the full metamorphosis yet. Stitch that tear up and continue being patient in what you are already doing until you know, beyond a doubt that what is calling you out of the cocoon of transition is really your life purpose and is your heart's passion. You will know...

Finding The Joy

This week I had a day that was absolutely beautiful. Perhaps even the best day of my life. Coming off of a birthday party weekend for my boys, I decided to spend the afternoon of their real birthday with them on Monday. The time at work flew by without anything dragging me down. Arriving at the school and being greeted with such love and excitement is beyond expression. Our afternoon wasn't an elaborate affair. Just a simple meal at a family restaurant, playing some games in their entertainment area and then home to open gifts. The reward of seeing one's children going to bed so happy and content is something only a parent can understand.
This will be a day I lock away in my memory banks and will call on when I am harassed by the pressures and circumstances of daily life. That joy I felt, will be something I will strive to have every day. There is actually no reason to live in a place constantly thinking about the atrocities around yourself. Dwelling in those dark places is not helping solve the situation and is definitely not helping yourself. Don't ignore the issues of the world but rather choose to take your mind to where there is joy. If you can't find that place, here are the directions:
 - Do something kind and unexpected for someone else.
Taking your focus from the negative and using your efforts to create a positive in someone else's life will only ever generate joy in both the giver and the receiver.
 - Go and do something fun.
For me that's easy. Hopping on a bike is not only great exercise but totally thrilling for me. Doing something fun doesn't have be an hugely expensive event either. It can be as simple as taking a walk in the rain, go swim in the ocean, have coffee with that friend you have been meaning to.
 - Hug someone you love.
And not just a limp-armed one second pat on the back. It must be a full body, locked-arm-wrap-type hug which lasts long enough so that you feel the warmth generate between you. (I did say this has to be someone you love!)

If we all find a little joy today, what an awesome day it will be. Go and find the joy.

Title Deed

Yesterday I caught myself being ungrateful. Not the usual ungrateful type moment where you think it would be nice to have a new bike, go on more holidays or to have a new wardrobe of clothes or even want to go out for a meal as often as you see others do. The moment I had yesterday was a real spoilt-brat occasion and I felt quite embarrassed afterwards.

I have recently heard and read a couple of messages about 'entitlement'. I don't think that it is any coincidence, but rather a message that is something I should be paying attention to. I have probably reached that age where I have sufficient history to look back on and take stock of where I have been. Doing so, can be quite uplifting in seeing what trials have been overcome and the progress that has been made. The danger comes in when an attitude of 'entitlement' starts to develop. "Because of all I have been through, surely I deserve to have more? I have earned a title deed!"

That is not how life works though! You cannot expect to receive a proportionate share of blessings as reward for your adversity. If that were the case, there would be so many more entitled people ahead of us (me) anyway.

I also think the comparison with the Joneses is such a dangerous game. There will always be
those that 'have' and those that don't. Some may have toiled and managed to get where they are through pure hard work and perseverance while others have had everything handed to them. If you don't fall into the latter category, guess what, you are going to have to be one of those that really work to get what you want. It's not a case of fairness, it's a case of reality, accepting your lot and making the best of your situation. Forget the Joneses, remember who you are.

Another dangerous scenario is even if you aren't comparing to the Joneses but comparing against yourself, and you appear to be regressing rather than advancing. "Why is this happening to me? I don't deserve this."
I was reminded about how fruit trees and roses are pruned at regular intervals to remove the dead wood as well as some seemingly good branches. What seems like down-sizing actually stimulates more growth and production or more fruit and flowers. So, although the "why" may not be evident at the moment of pruning, be assured that you can grow and be even more productive than before.

I have said it before, but I'll repeat it for my own sake,  take stock of where you are, appreciate and celebrate what is important around you. Put more emphasis on family and friends than "stuff", let the Joneses worry about that...