Friday, 4 March 2016

'Nicks' and 'Gashes'

One man's hovel may be another man's castle.

There's a fit for everyone. What you may value, may not necessarily be what your neighbour values. This is probably more prevalent in South Africa with the broad cultural and economic base we have. The variety of cars we drive is probably an easy example to demonstrate this, although fashion, homes, social tier and cell phones are equally good examples. I cannot logically spend more than the cost of my house on my car. That's my internal reference control measure of acceptability. Others may see the car as an extremely important representation of themselves to the world and can therefore justify sacrificing on other areas of expenditure or be willing to live in debt.
The point is, that we have different reference levels based on our make-up and individual experiences and needs. Similarly, our response to stress is no different. One man's minor upset could be a real life-changing event for another. "We were planning to have peach cobbler for dessert with our guests but the grocer ran out of peaches." For someone who places huge importance on an event being just perfect, down to matching the colour of the napkins and table decorations to what is being served, this could be a major stress in their life. For someone who doesn't eat every day, this would be of little concern, as what ever is available is a blessing to them.

How have you set up your stress measure control?
A cut on your toe will get very little attention when you have a gaping wound on your chest.

What happens when you have a major event going on that raises your level of stress? How much stress can you actually deal with? The event I am speaking of is in the magnitude of job insecurity, health complications and personal safety or rather lack thereof. No peach cobbler type issues, those are the nicks-on-your-toe type events in comparison.
Unfortunately I don't have the answer for everyone, but I can only suggest that you make sure you are monitoring exactly what it is that is putting you under stress.

  • Categorise them. Label them "nicks" or "gashes" so you know what needs your attention. 
  • Talk about them with someone you trust. An alternative viewpoint may just reveal that some of those "gashes" aren't really as serious as you perceived them to be. 
  • Make an action plan for the gashes and park the nicks until you feel you have enough of the gashes resolved. Having a plan to deal with the stress will give you some affirmation that there is a way forward. Even if it is a long-term plan, it is far better to focus on the path leading to the solution than just staring at the problem, compounding your stress. Give the plan more attention than the actual stress.
  • Stress has a significant effect on one's body, especially if for prolonged periods, so find something that you enjoy doing that can replenish your "happy hormones". And I have to mention it, exercise and a healthy way of eating will also help to restore serotonin that is released by the body to deal with stress.

If you are fortunate enough to not be going through a major event, then don't treat the "nicks" as "gashes". As inconvenient and uncomfortable as they may be, they are still only nicks. Don't elevate them just because they can take you focus at this point. Save your energy and efforts for when the real gashes come.

2 comments:

  1. Hey Brad, interesting article...are you a life coach or something like that?

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  2. Thanks. Not a life coach, just someone who observes a great deal and would like to make a difference in this world. I guess it's my attempt of John Green's quote: "“What is the point of being alive if you don't at least try to do something remarkable?”

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