Are You Entitled?

Once again I have this over-whelming awareness that my emotions are being dominated by anger. There is so much going on in the world again that makes being a human embarrassing. Maybe more so, living in South Africa where so much of what we do or can't do, out of fear for our safety, is based on other people's selfish actions. Vandalism and looting of innocent people's property during protest marches is just beyond my comprehension and raises a level of anger best not put into words. I have no issue with protest marches and fully believe we should be able to stand up for what we believe in but when it turns into a free shopping spree, unlawful damage and just plain disruption for those completely unrelated to the reason for the march, then I have real issues and really obscene thoughts in how to deal with such groups of 'people'.

So that is some of the external sources fuelling my anger-fire. I am also aware of some self-fuelling efforts that seem to go on inside my mind as well. I have written about that voice that speaks to you and how it is you who actually has control of what it is telling you. Reject the negative comments and build on the positive. One thing I have learnt of myself is that I can over-build (if there is such a word) on certain positives to the extent that I believe that I am actually entitled to certain things, purely because I have taught myself to believe it. It goes further than that because when in reality, these things don't line up in the way I know to be the "right" way, then I become angered because of the "injustice".

"Don't they know I am entitled to that?"
"I have worked really hard on this so why don't I get more?"
"Look at that guy, driving in his Ferrari. What did he do to deserve it? He must be a drug-dealer!"

It is embarrassing for me to say but yes, those have been real conversations in my head! In confessing this, I am trusting that I am not the only one, that there are others with similar thoughts.

My sense of entitlement is maybe based on jealousy, times of no or little acknowledgement and also acute awareness of those who gain based on nothing but their network of relations rather than actual merit. Just read the local newspapers about our politicians...

The reality is still the reality and dwelling in these moments of 'injustice' does nothing than to fuel that anger-fire even more. As I have written before, pick up the remote and change the channel your mind is tuned into. Find something better to meditate on. Things that are true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable; anything that is excellent or praiseworthy. And yes that is great advice from  the Bible that is applicable to everyone.

Starting today, when that sense of entitlement is feeling a little strangled by what you are experiencing in reality, pause that moment and just check why you believe you are entitled and you may be shocked to see your rationale is not so pure.
(I am just putting it out there that I will probably always believe that Ferrari drivers have some association with drug-dealing though...)