So much is changing and yet so much is still the same...

Unbelievably, another week has come to an end, another month is over and it is also our company's financial year end. 

So much is changing and yet so much is still the same. 

I don't know if I am just becoming less naive or just more aware or if there is truly a growth in the number of despicable people in this world. Around me, I see so many people being hurt by self-absorbed individuals with little or no regard for the other's emotions. There are so many people who believe their importance is paramount and nobody else's needs are considered in their pursuit of their goals.
Similarly, our country is in turmoil over the government with a constant barrage of abuse from opposition parties and disillusioned supporters. How will this chapter of South African history pan out? 
Internationally I read of extremist parties beheading groups of people for their faith and the rest of the world does nothing. I still can't believe that a person can actually cut off another's head! What hatred must there be to be able to perform such deeds. This is meant to be the "modern times"; look at the knowledge and the technology we have all around and yet we seem to be regressing in so many areas. Surely what we have learned over the years of war and killing, that no one really wins in the end. The loss of life, broken families, devastation of cities and infrastructure. The cost is immeasurable. As a child, I often thought that disputes should be settled over a game of chess. A war on the chess board, where the only casualties are the chess pieces. Each dispute is tabled with agreed stakes for the "war's" outcome. Whoever's King remains, is the victor and claims the agreed prize. Simplistic, I know but why can't it be? Of course those with the best chess players would become greedy and use their advantage to take more than what is fair. A super-power based on chess prowess if you will. I guess when there is a human element involved, the basic needs of survival and equality are justifiable to "fight" for but when the intolerance of others and hunger for more permeates the ranks of the leaders, that is when the real trouble begins. 

My Christian belief says that we should love one another, with all our differences. Loving, however does not mean accepting the injustices imposed on others. I can't for one instance imagine myself sitting down with ISIS members to have a cup of tea and a group hug. Somewhere in their life they have been brainwashed and lost their way. Probably no fault of their own but radical leaders who are passing down the same distorted beliefs and objectives enforced in their lives. They were not born hating others who did not follow Islam, they were taught. No-one is born a natural hater. As children we are innocent and open to everything. It's as we get older, the people we surround ourselves with, mould our character and alter our beliefs. This can be moulded to such an extent that radicalists evolve.

All is not lost though. There is a greater plan in all this confusion and turmoil. Desperate times, pulls people together; develops a spirit of unity and that is exactly what we need as a community, a country and as global citizens.

No short-cuts to Mars!

This week I learned about a planned mission to mars called Mars-One (http://www.mars-one.com/). Interestingly, the crew will comprise "normal" people, not the NASA academy astronauts. These people have volunteered to go. The catch? It's a one way trip, they don't have a way to come back to earth. They have decided to give up everything and pursue an absurd challenge of living in a capsule on another planet. I think it is incredible, and turn back the clock a few years, before I was married, and I would have signed up. Maybe it's a mid-life crisis state of mind driving that opinion to take on such a crazy life change, but I still think that it is a fascinating project and will be watching the progress with keen interest over the next 10 years when they expect the first crew to settle. 

What changes are you currently facing and what are you willing to give-up to achieve them?

Change is inherently a process of something being displaced or replaced with something else. The former condition is no more. It has been transformed into something different. Sometimes this process is uncontrollable and we are simply passengers in the transformation. In other instances we get to choose to make the transformation. We have to weigh up the former condition against the desired outcome and then decide which we desire more. It almost always involves giving up something familiar to make the transformation. It's often the value we place on the familiar and the fear of not achieving the goal that keeps us exactly where we are far longer than we should be. Personalities are so varied that some thrive on change and are frustrated by the "familiar", but I think the generalisation holds true. Those volunteer astronauts are giving up everything they are familiar with to pursue an incredible expedition that could potentially change the way we live. The cost versus the outcome has been weighed up and they have decided to go where many of the chosen applicants opted the other way, believing the sacrifice was too great. How do your current possible changes and sacrifices weigh up in your life?
The actual trip to Mars is 210 days, which is a long time to be in close habitat and that's what they have to endure before they even get to their destination. Even before that, they have to go through vigorous training to be equipped for the mission. It is still 10 years before they reach Mars. Similarly, our changes will require time and equipping to get the desired outcome. No short-cuts to Mars! Once again, these efforts have to be considered when embarking on the mission of change. Whether you are an A-type personality, where every last detail is listed and categorised, or a free-spirited creative-type, some consideration of the effort required to make the transformation must be made. I'm all for comparative tables, to-do lists and schedules when it comes to making decisions as I need to visualise the entire situation to make my choice. Use the tools and means best suited to you and the level of change required. No need for a full desk-top study to decide to change your blue shirt for a white one! However, choosing to buy a house, change of job or career, relationships would all require some due consideration. Make sure you have considered the sacrifice, effort required and the outcome very carefully. 
Don't fly to Mars on an impulse decision.

Leverage the Potential

How can I not start off by commenting on our country's state of the nation address proceedings last night? I think the way in which the event rolled out, painted a better picture of the actual state of the nation, than did the words used in the president's speech. Not a very inspiring affair at all. I must admit I did not get to watch the speech through to the end as my recording was cut short just after the land repatriation delivery, so I may have missed out on the uplifting gems...

After what I watched, I realise we have a long hard road ahead of us in South Africa. It will take a few men and women with Mandela-like attitudes, who want to serve the country rather than being served, to bring out the best in what our country and people have to offer. Until then, only a minority will actually benefit and the division and segregation we see today will continue to escalate. Not a very positive outlook I know, but a reality snapshot. I immediately had thoughts of my friends in Australia, and wonder if they have felt a bit torn about renouncing their South African citizenship to become Australian citizens or if watching last night's address reinforced that they had done the right thing and perhaps it is something I should be considering for the sake of my children? I love South Africa and its wonderful potential it has to offer. I love the lifestyle I have and the freedom to do the things I enjoy doing. I wish every citizen could enjoy the standard of living I have available but with almost a quarter of the population unemployed, that is a huge gap to close. Only by pulling the people of our nation together, not driving them apart, can we achieve common goals for the betterment of all. How then can we turn things around? Firstly the leadership of the country is what we have at the moment because they have been chosen by the people. When the people are educated and their eyes are opened to the corruption and misappropriation that is now the norm, leaders of suitable character can be elected. There are already those people in the ranks trying to make the difference we so desperately need. That is no quick process and I believe we have to pray for acceleration of that change in the leadership. We also need to stand together as communities for what is right. Bemoaning conditions and spreading negativity does not help any situation but only breads hopelessness. Do something to start making the difference you desire. Come alongside other like-minded people and as a group with aligned voices, surely your message will be clearer than a group of individuals all shouting differently. Once a group with a clear direction of positive change is heard, others will join until the message cannot be ignored and change will be brought about. The choice is yours to continue complaining in small groups or halt the negativity and turn it into an catalyst for change. As a country and as a people we have everything we need to be a very successful nation. We just need to leverage the potential that is already there. Here's to road ahead and strength to all who will join me on that road.

Your Flight Plan Has Been Rerouted

A good few years ago, my wife and I decided it was time to pack up and see what there was in the rest of the world. It wasn't because we had had any traumatic violent crime experience in South Africa, nor were we expecting the imminent outbreak of civil war, we purely desired change in our lives. Incredibly, change was provided, not in the format we were anticipating, but change nonetheless. After a long 24hr trip we found ourselves back in South Africa, feeling a bit like naughty children who had been caught out by our parents and had been sent to our rooms.

Why am I sharing this with you? Well, I believe at some point or other we all desire and even need change in our lives. The change we desire isn't always the change we receive. What you do in that circumstance is purely up to you. You can be miserable about your outcome, fight it and try and force the change you so desired to come about or accept where you have landed and make the best of your circumstances. I am not for a moment implying that we be complacent and accepting in all that happens to us, but just to recognise those situations that are beyond our control and work within them to extract the best possible outcome. Our relocation journey, took me out of a comfort zone and enabled me to enter the consulting world, where I have been for 13 years now. Do I regret what happened to us back then? Not for an instant. Do I wonder how different our lives would be now? Of course, but then I also wonder if  yesterday I had toast rather than muesli for breakfast, how different my day could have been...

Change is inevitable. Sometimes we initiate it and sometimes it is imposed on us. We are fortunate enough to be so versatile that we can adapt to our environment. It is the attitude with which we adopt that can determine the level of happiness through that change. Look for the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel, it is always there, you just have to keep on moving forward and looking. You may be only a few steps from the turning point, if you give-up now all the effort would have been in vain.

My journey is far from over and I am still expecting so much still to change. No matter how much I plan and map out this journey, there will still be those unexpected changes that have to be dealt with. I hope I am always able to see the positive in all the changes.

"Just 8 hours"

For most, a  typical workday is 8 hours. How many times have you started the day and said, “Just 8 hours to go…”? Admittedly, I have done it on occasions when there has been nothing really exciting or challenging to work on. I think every person, at every level has felt that way, even if they haven’t verbalised it.

In a way, a very real way, we are wishing away part of our lives and the time we are wanting to pass in an instant, can never be recovered.

Imagine if we had to pay a fee for each and every hour we lived. How different would our attitudes be? Say we had to pay an additional tax of R100 per hour to be at work, would we still be just wishing our R800 away because we didn’t feel like doing a particular task assigned to us? My approach would be, instead of feeling like I am wasting my money, I’d rather finish the activity as quickly as possible to be able to move onto something different and see my money spent on something I actually enjoy doing. I only have a finite supply of funds and would rather be spending it wisely.

Well, think of your bank account of time. It too only has a finite supply. As you make a withdrawal, it does not get replenished. You only have the allocation that you were born with.  The “just 8 hours” is a commitment that will not be refunded, so spend it wisely. Invest it in making your workday the best 8 hours possible. I’ll admit, that’s not always easy, especially after being on holiday and now returning to an office routine again, but ultimately, we get to choose the attitude we adopt to face those 8 hours.

I was also reminded that within the “just 8 hours”, how many opportunities there are to impact on other people’s lives. We can live in the wasteful clock-watching mode, waiting for knock-off time and just getting through in a survival mode, or we can be vigilant in identifying needs in people around ourselves. See where others need encouragement, a positive word may be just what they need to boost them through their 8 hours. So many people are suffering with hurt, depression, anger or rejection. See how you can make your “just 8 hours” into an investment by influencing your immediate surroundings. If you see your workday in that way, 8 hours can actually seem too little… 

Busyness as Usual?

The year 2015 is well on its way, holidays are over and routines are returning to normal. Or are they…?

How many people made new year’s resolutions?

A new year is a great milestone to close a chapter and start writing a new one. The end of 2014 could signify the signing off of whatever happened during the year and leaving it in the past. Face 2015 with a completely new outlook, new opportunities and restored vigour for life.

I write this after my first few days back at the office after 4 ½ weeks of leave and find myself gagging on the cliché –ness and hypocrisy of that line. I am exhausted already and although I haven’t counted the days till the first long weekend, the thought has crossed my mind. My relaxed holiday routine has been displaced by alarms, schedules, emails, deadlines and busyness as usual! It is a shock to the system. What it has brought about though, is a desire to make my busyness count. My efforts must make a difference. They must not be wasteful. My time is limited and every second I have available, I want to use to my fullest potential in whatever it is I am involved in. I want to find opportunities to add value to my family, my employer, to my friends and colleagues and if I am able, to the world. I guess these have been my goals for a while, but starting 2015 has stepped this desire up a gear and placed a few areas in focus that require a bit of action on my behalf, rather than just waiting and leaving them to chance. There are huge opportunities available to all of us, you just have to be actively seeking them. I enjoyed this quote from a book I read recently: “Most opportunities never announce themselves with trumpets and confetti. They’re easily missed, mistaken, or squandered. They can be scary. And they never come with a 110% money-back guarantee. They’re often nothing more than chances to improve on something other people are already doing. Opportunities are whispers, not foghorns.” Sean Patrick in his book about Nikola Tesla. 

Actively seek out the opportunities that surround you. They may not be fog horns or presented to you in flashing lights, but they are there. Don’t let your busyness keep you trapped in your current circumstances, pause, take a breath and look around yourself and turn those opportunities into something amazing.

"Five minutes left..."

Last night I thought back on the year and although I am extremely grateful for all that I have been blessed with, this past year has been a roller-coaster of great expectations and disappointments, both personally and career-wise. My frustration meter has reached its highest readings yet.

Although my character is one of patience and understanding, and able to tolerate a respectable amount of wear and tear before the scales tip, this year has put the scales under severe strain and it seems the negative side is weighing in quite heavily. I don't know if writing these motivational blogs has placed me into some sort of pressure cooker test to see whether I can practice what I preach or whether I will just boil over with the heat.

This year, I know that I have done a great deal for my children and for my wife. I can see how they value and need me with the love in their eyes and the way they squeeze me when they give me hugs.
I know I have become part of a team at church with my contribution to the music group.
I also know I have added value at work with my efforts.

So having said all that, why do I still feel like I have come up short this year?

Driving home last night I felt so relieved that my annual leave has begun but also disappointed in myself that I haven't accomplished enough and the year is up. It kind of felt like writing an exam and the invigilator calls, "Five minutes left", and you still have many questions unanswered on your paper. I feel a desperation to rush around and try and get something done before the "Time up" is called. The reality is, that with the time available this year, I won't get to all the questions. However, I do know that I don't only have until midnight on December 31st to complete the exam. I have the option of making the most of the time left and setting new goals for the new year. I have the privilege of spending time with my family, making memories that will last them a lifetime. I have health and fitness that enables me to do my running and cycling. I have my intellect to be able to plan for the next year. I have love, which surpasses all other circumstantial issues, from my God, my wife, my children, my family members and my friends.

"To those I may have wronged, I ask forgiveness.
To those I may have helped, I wish I did more.
To those I neglected to help, I ask for understanding.
To those who helped me, I sincerely thank you so much...."

Remember you don't only have five minutes left!

Keep On Being Remarkable

I jokingly said that the pirate exclamation “Arrrgh!” was going to be the sum total  of my blog today but to “practise what I preach”, I added a few more words…

“Arrrgh!”  pretty much sums up how I am feeling at this point in the year. Fatigue has set in, frustrations and challenges seem to coming from every direction and as close as that leave period is, it still seems miles away. I think there are a number of people, especially my colleagues, feeling the same way.

Despite any current disappointments, I still have so much to be thankful for and can reflect on a year filled with hard work and work that was done to a level, that I can be proud that it has my name on it. I have earned my wages this year. Looking around at government and other large parastatals, how many people can honestly say the same? It would be so easy to slip down the slope of mediocrity and join the ranks of those who do little and expect all, as seems to be the norm these days. Fortunately, I am not made of that cloth. I am not able to sleep knowing I haven’t done my share and sweated for my earnings. I need to feel the blisters on my hands and the ache in my muscles to know that I have contributed. Thankfully, the people I work with are like-minded, as is evident in the work they produce and the willing effort that they demonstrate. As a consulting firm, the people, their skills and their efforts are the only real assets the company has. Without them, all we have is a building with lifeless tools. Pausing on that for a moment, I think it is pretty amazing what is achieved by those people. Each, individuals in their own right but pulling together and achieving some remarkable results.

The fatigue and frustrations are evidence of a year of hard effort, but one last push to the finish line is what is required. Finish on a high note. Look for ways to close up shop for the holidays knowing you will return next year without outstanding to-do’s. Tick those last few critical items off your list so they don’t plague your mind while you meant to be on holiday. 

It’s going to be tough, but 1 or 2 weeks of being remarkable is all that’s needed and for those of you that I know that just means being yourself!

An Envelope

If you find an unexpected, unidentifiable envelope on your desk, are you the type of person that immediately suspects something negative like it’s another account to be paid or someone wanting another pound of your flesh? Or do you get excited thinking it’s good news, a party invitation,  bonus letter (touchy subject, I know), a secret admirer or just an encouraging letter from a friend telling you that you are doing really well despite the current circumstances? I think most of the time we are so used to mail bringing burden and added financial pressure, that we often just expect that that is the norm and every item of mail will bring the same. My Dad still sends us birthday cards as well as postcards from every trip he takes. It is such a pleasant surprise to get these in the mailbox in between the normal mail.

Coming back to that unassuming envelope on your desk, do you immediately open it as your curiosity is too much and you need to know what it contains? Or do you look at it for a while, imagining what it could possibly contain for you? Do you saver the thrill of the unexpected and draw out your own suspense? What if you open it and it is just a sweepstakes advertisement? Immediately opening the envelope places you in absolute certainty of the contents of the envelope and whether it contains something of significance or something of no value. The opposite extreme is if you never open the envelope, then the possibilities of what it could contain are endless, yet unattainable.

This is maybe a bit like a Schrödinger’s cat exercise, but perhaps is also a measure of certain character traits as well.

Impatient or impulsive vs cautious and persevering.

Imaginative and optimistic vs routine and negative. 

All this from a simple letter opening activity?

Perhaps see the envelope as a metaphor of the opportunities presenting themselves in your life. Have you been treating those same opportunities with the same regard as all those unassuming envelopes you have received? Expecting nothing more than another account or some junk mail advert, promising the world and delivering way short of your expectations.

Perhaps it’s time to check that mailbox with a bit more enthusiasm. Expect good things! Dream of the things you want to achieve and believe that they can happen. Open those opportunities expecting the best results. Don’t leave them unopened, not knowing if they ever contained your dream.

End or Beginning?

“Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.” 

Winston Churchill

End of the Beginning: Means we have made a start and are now moving in a new direction towards our new goal. Well I would like to believe that is the case for most people. With the end of the year fast approaching I have looked back on the year and tried to recall what impact I have had. Where have I made a difference and where have I fallen short and can improve on for next year. A bit of reflection is always good as it can bring you back to point where you can take stock again. Revalue where your time has been spent or where it should have been spent. Also look at where you have sacrificed important moments for something of urgency but of lower significance. Take stock!

With that reflection, check your direction again and make sure it is where you need to be going or make the necessary adjustments. Sometimes we can be so busy fighting the daily battles, that we lose sight of the goal we have set and can be blown off-course. Check your compass, trim those sails and put the ship back on course. With a few working weeks left of 2014, make the final push and put in the effort to finish strong. Even if you don’t do it for your employer, do it for yourself. Be proud of the job you are doing and do it to your best abilities. As soon as “good enough” creeps in, it can perpetuate through everything you are involved in. It is also contagious. At a time when everyone is feeling burnt out and having very little of oneself to give, “good enough” finds easy rooting. The only way to combat it, is to make a conscious decision to be better with your own contribution. I believe this can be equally contagious if carried out with the right attitude.

So perhaps let this end of year period be a new beginning of greatness. Prove to yourself you have what it takes to finish strong and go into the holiday season knowing you have completed the year as best you possibly could have.

No Super Powers Required

So this week has been one of those where nothing seems to go my way and I just feel like crawling into my man-cave and hibernating till the season is over. So for a bit of fun and considering all the super hero movies that are around I would like to ask, “What super power would you like to possess?”
As a child I would amuse myself with idea of imagining which character I could emulate.

• I would imagine having super strength to be able to move anything my way.
• X-ray vision would have been exciting to see your friend’s skeleton and to be able to see what's happening in the next room.
• Of course flying was one of my favourites and truth be told is still a fantasy of mine.
• How about being super flexible and being able to stretch and mould your body into weird shapes to get through impossible obstacles?
• What about being able to shape shift and take on the appearance of anything you can imagine?

With the week that I have been having I have been wishing for the invisibility super-power to be able to just disappear.

Is that an evolvement from checking-out and going to my man cave? I don’t know, all I know is that it would be great to be able to just disappear for a while, go to a place of peace and rest and really check-out for a while.

I have realised that , sometimes, you don’t need to check-out to find the reset button. You just need to find where you belong and be all there at that place in that moment.

I was able to find that place this evening. It was loud and buzzing with people. Not the isolated island of peace and tranquillity I thought I needed, but somehow it was just the place I needed to be. Standing in a group of like-minded people singing songs of worship to God, really put into perspective what matters. The niggling events of the week dissolved into insignificance. From there I went on to do sound mixing as practice for Sunday. Once again the focus shifted from my inward worries onto the goal of achieving the right balance for each song. When it’s wrong, no matter how talented the musicians and singers are, it sounds harsh. Drums could be overpowering the vocals or the guitars so soft that the song could feel ‘flat’. But when the balance is just right, each component compliments the other. Getting there is my reset button. It is a reminder that I shouldn’t be invisible, that I can add value and that I do make a difference, without any super powers.

Have you identified your reset button? Sometimes you don’t know what it is until you’re in the moment. You just have to go out and be part of life to find your moment, your recharge point.

One thing is certain, staying in the cave will definitely not get you anywhere near it.

Mind You

I often ask what it would be like to be inside someone else’s head. To really feel how they feel, to connect with their thoughts and see how they think and rationalise their decisions and actions.

The movie genre I especially enjoy is the psychological thriller where a serial killer is profiled in order to predict his next move. I guess this is as close to being inside someone’s head space as we are going to get. I still dabble with the thought of actually being in that psychopath’s mind and seeing things as he does. Please don’t get me wrong, it  doesn’t mean I want to be that person, I just find it fascinating how there is an apparent complete disconnect with logic and a lack of empathy for their victims. Being a radically logical person, this lack intrigues me. On a similar plane but perhaps a few degrees lower, imagine experiencing the thoughts of our country’s politicians… It would be incredible to actually ‘see’ the thought process behind certain decisions and public statements that are made.

On a note closer to home, imagine being able to see through your spouse or partner’s eyes. You could understand intimately how they feel, what makes them happy, what makes them sad and more importantly, what they need from you at that particular moment.

What about  being inside someone’s mind who is struggling emotionally. Perhaps ‘seeing’ their thoughts would give you the insight into exactly how deep their hurt is and how hard it is for them to function normally. Perhaps this would enable a greater degree of patience to be exercised when dealing with their healing process.

What about children who are battling to socialise? Getting inside their heads may expose the anxiety they are feeling and help you coach them through those situations.

How about people you have just met? You would instantly get a snapshot of their true selves and gauge whether you wanted to continue a relationship with them. You would also know their impressions and thoughts of you! That may be awkward!

What about someone else being in your head? What would they see? It’s not a case of ‘if’, but a case of ‘how many’ thoughts would you like to be able to lock away in a vault so they couldn’t see them. I imagine, we should continuously, take stock of what is going on in our minds and purge anything that we would want to keep in that vault. Why would you want to dwell on such things anyway? Of course there are things that are personal and private, I’m not referring to those. I am referring to negative thoughts towards others, bad attitudes, lustful thoughts, envy and even hate. If we are honest, we all have these thoughts to a lesser or greater degree, depending on our experiences and frame of mind. It is key to keep these thoughts in check, as every action started out as a simple thought. Very little of what we actually do is based on instinctive behaviour. It is predominantly thoughts that have been processed into actions. Allowing a negative thought to remain in your mind gives it grounds to root itself and as you meditate on it, you provide it with the nourishment it needs to grow. The longer you wait to expel it, the deeper its roots would have taken hold and the broader its limbs would have grown, overshadowing any other positive thought growth. Do your weeding frequently and thoroughly. Don’t let even the smallest weed take root.

Perhaps the idea of mind access is a little ‘science-fictiony’ but the idea of walking in someone else’s shoes does warrant credit. We are far too quick to judge and criticise those around us without first considering the other person’s circumstances. Exercise a little patience and try and see the situation through their eyes first and then make a decision on how to act. Changing your approach from antagonising to mentoring or compassion will not only help that person but will also provide you with much greater satisfaction. Imagine that was the approach others had towards you…

Let It Go

Two things I get very frustrated with are, incompetence and arrogance. Unfortunately I constantly find myself surrounded by both and in some cases a combination thereof. From shop assistants to fellow drivers on the road to our government officials, we cannot avoid this frustration.

 

So, how does one deal with these frustrations in a way that won’t end up in a civil liability case? 

• Try to help and improve the situation by means of your skills, talents, knowledge and know-how.
• Provide alternative suggestions with logical and sensitive argument.
• Allow some time for logic to percolate.

 In the end there is only so much you can physically do to change this type of frustration. So do what you can and then let it go!

 

If you have done nothing to improve the situation, you haven’t earned the right to moan. If you have done all that is within your means, then don’t let the  negativity of moaning bring you (and others listening to you) down, let it go. Groaning will not help the situation nor will it help you.

 

I am reminded of the baboon that finds seeds within an ant mound, except the hole to bring out a fist clenching the seeds is too small. A flat hand was easy to put in but the broader fist was just too big to get out. The amazing thing was that even when faced with danger, the baboon couldn’t release the seeds to make his escape. He was trapped by his illogical need to hold onto the seeds even though he wouldn’t be able to get them out. In the same way we hold onto life’s frustrations which keeps us right where we are. Just like the baboon, we are unable to move on. If he just opened his fist and released those unattainable seeds, he could run off to safer and better places.

 

I encourage all of us to open our fists that are holding on so tightly to bitterness, hurt, frustrations, disappointments, anger. Drop those things that have us anchored in one place to be able to move on.

Knights in Shining Armour

I guess having children gives adults an excuse to watch all those great animation movies. It makes a pleasant change from the violence, crudeness and gratuitous sex that is in most movies these days.

What I see in the animations is that there a crisis has occurred, someone emerges as the hero, defeats the ‘badies’, saves the day and returns order once again. It is quite a generalisation but that is the general trend.  

The older animations usually had a Prince Charming-type who saved the day This handsome character on his powerful white horse would ride into town, have the princess instantly fall in love with him and then he would ride off and ‘slay the dragon’. This is obviously what people needed to see, that there is a hero out there who will ride into town and save the day. How convenient would that be? Issues would be so easy to resolve. Just wait for Prince so-and-so and he will rescue us.

To continue my reality-check theme of there being no magical genies, guess what? The reality is, there is rarely going to be a knight in shining armour that will incredibly appear, just when you need him the most.

Sorry, but most of the time you are going to have to face the dragons on your own. I don’t mean you have to have the battle as a lone soldier, I just mean you have to initiate and lead the mission. You can recruit as many allies and resources as you have access to. Surround yourself with friends who can support and lift you up, but ultimately you are going to have to do something yourself to get out of the crisis you find yourself in.

The more recent animations I have watched all have a seemingly weak, under-dog  character who steps up and takes on the ‘badies’. So, I presume the subliminal message is that even me as a seemingly weak, under-dog can actually slay a dragon. Maybe subliminal isn’t really the right word choice but for the children watching, I believe it is. The adults that watch recognise the under-lying message but often just relay it onto children in their development and character building.

Why only for children though? Surely we can also identify with the same under-dog hero, not really believing we have what it takes to get through the current crises. Ask yourself, “Will the dragon I face now, actually destroy me?”. Think back to the previous one you faced. You survived! Maybe a few scars but you survived. Now tackle the next one with the knowledge that you can and have defeated dragons before. Maybe you do have what it takes…    

Where's The Genie?

If you could do absolutely anything you wanted where money, time, resources, skills, responsibilities were of no concern. Almost like a genie in a lamp scenario. You have one thing you can do, you just ask and it will be granted. What would that one thing be?

Without thinking, my knee-jerk response would be to ask to be a world famous guitarist that could rock stages around the globe. That would be an amazing experience!

Did you think of something similar? Something that was a personal dream or desire, or was it something more practical like going on an ocean cruise in your personal yacht with all the services you may need on board. Stopping off at secluded tropical islands where you can laze in the warm waters without any cares. Maybe you weren’t so extravagant and merely asked to have a new house with a new car in the garage and nothing owing to the bank on either. That would be a huge financial relief in anyone’s world. Maybe you just wanted a week away from your work to recuperate after a long period of stress. Go to a place of tranquillity, where you can rest and recharge yourself. That is a pretty modest ask and yet very rewarding.

How many of you immediately thought of asking for something to help somebody else?

I know I didn’t so I am guessing there are a couple of others with the same in-built selfish human characteristics that I have.

Now think about how many people could have benefited from your wish if it went something like these:

·         “I want to find a cure for cancer.”

·         “I want to bring about an end of religious wars.”

·         “I want to be able to feed the starving and house the homeless.”

·         “I want to end the need for people to abuse children.”

·         …and the list can go on and on.

These are pretty big asks you may say, but no bigger than my ask of being a guitar legend!!! My point is that our selfish desires kick-in long before we think of how we could possibly help someone else.

There never will be a genie conjured out of a magic lamp. We never will be asked what our single wish is to be.

I say, “So what. Who needs a genie?” Go and make a difference in somebody else’s world and be a ‘genie’ for them. Find the starving and give them a meal. It may not end the world hunger crisis but it will help that individual. Find somebody who is hurting and listen to their problems, let them cry on your shoulder and dry their tears. You may not be able to solve their problem but you can show them love and let them know that there is someone who cares for them. Be part of a group that is doing positive work in your community. It may be a task that is more easily accomplished as a team rather than as an individual. It may open doorways to greater experiences and opportunities to help even more people.

“How can I help someone, when I can’t even help myself?” - You may feel so unworthy and depressed that you don’t think you could possibly help anyone else. Well the most uplifting experience is to go and  do something for somebody else. Seeing gratitude in someone’s eyes is priceless and knowing you made a difference, can only lift your spirit. Taking the focus off of your problems and addressing someone else’s is therapeutic. It may even give you insight into what you have and how much you already have.

So don’t waste your time looking for the magic lamp with the genie. Be the ‘genie’. Start big or start small, but at least make a start.

You CAN Get There From Here

I can’t remember what program I saw it in, but there was a scene where a tourist was lost somewhere in the Scottish Highlands. He eventually came across an old bearded sheep farmer and stopped and asked how to get to his desired destination. He must have been way off course as the response he got was, “Aye laddie, ye can’t get ther’ from he’r!” So, on the traveller went none the wiser.

 

That phrase has stuck in my mind ever since, as if you can’t get to your destination from where you are currently positioned, then how will you ever get there?

 

It may be a long haul or a difficult journey requiring different modes of travel and perhaps a heap of resources, but nowadays you can pretty much get anywhere from anywhere! Set your destination and get going.

 

So how do you know if you are on the right path?

 

Apparently, stopping and asking for directions, as with our tourist above, doesn’t always give us the confirmation or redirection we may desire, so we need a more definitive measure of our progress. The modern day traveller would likely have a GPS device, guiding them turn by turn. An up-to-date road map is an old but reliable method. Travelling with someone knowledgeable of the area is always a good method.

 

But even with all the above, it is still possible to get yourself off-course and lost. Life throws you detours and diversions that aren’t part of the planned journey or you may even decide to change your destination as you are travelling. To correct your course, you have to know where you are. Use everything you have available to do this. Assess your surroundings, compare it to your map. Review the turns you have made to see where you possibly went off course. Ask someone, preferably someone you can trust, which direction you are heading. Once you know where you are, you can compare that to your desired destination and plan the route to get back on course.

 

It is always a good idea to frequently check your position against your planned route so that you know immediately when you are heading off-course. It is far easier to make corrections for minor deviations rather than travelling blindly thinking you are heading in the right direction only to discover you have missed a turn some miles back down the road. If you have, remember, you can still get to where you want to go from here! It may require some back-tracking and take you a bit longer but you can still get there.

 

Checking your route enables you to prepare for what lies ahead. You may be approaching a section of rough dirt road, so you know before hand to slow down and are not taken by surprise. You take the necessary steps before you get into the next phase of the trip so things can run as smoothly as possible. Imagine heading out on a long stretch of road not realising there are no fuel stations. If you had checked the route, you would have known to fill up your tank at the last station before that turn-off. From a personal experience it is not fun travelling along an unknown desolate route with your fuel light flashing and not knowing where the next possible refuelling point is going to be. Be prepared.

 

Monitoring your route is also quite motivating as you can see the distance from where you were steadily increasing and the gap to where you desire to be, decreasing.

On long journeys, this can be quite hard at the outset as the gap can seem insurmountable and the incremental steps in distance traversed seem miniscule. For these journeys, set milestones along the way and focus on achieving those but never losing site of the destination. Celebrate and enjoy the successes of achieving the intermediate milestones. Reward yourself for making it there. Have a rest, refresh, refuel, review your route and resume the journey.

All of the above sound so obvious for road trips but we don’t always follow the same advice for our life trips which are of so much more importance.

Do you know where you are?

Do you know where you are going?

Do you have a course you are following?

Have you got the resources and means (or at least a plan on how to get them) to get you there?

Have you got intermediate milestones for the longer journeys?

Have you started yet…?

 

 

Decide To Start

 “A decision is but a beginning” - Soren Kierkegaard

My last couple of posts were about halting negative thought processes. A simple decision to take those thoughts captive has the potential to make a huge impact on your life. A new beginning. Other decisions will have greater or less of an influence on your life direction, but an influence nonetheless. I remember those adventure books where at the end of a chapter you had a choice to make such as “Turn left down the dark alley or continue straight along the well lit path?” Depending on your choice you were directed to a different chapter with a different outcome. The great thing was that you could go back and change your decision if the outcome wasn’t what you hoped for. You could also read both options to check and see how both decisions would turn out.

 

Unfortunately with life, we are limited to only seeing the outcome of one decision and only after you have committed to it. You cannot go back to the previous chapter, pretend nothing happened and do it over again. Once the decision is made, work at every obstacle or frustration and turn the outcome into the best it could possibly be. Sometimes, it is going to be the wrong decision with an unfavourable outcome. Make the best of what you have learnt from it and make another decision to move forward again.  

 

Even seemingly arbitrary decisions can have a profound impact. My personal experience of that was a simple choice one morning, three years ago, whether to do my training ride or not, considering I was running late. Needless to say, I chose the discipline route of sticking to the program and not heeding that small voice telling me to take the car to work. The result of that decision put me in ICU for almost two weeks and a long period of recovery. To date, I still have no recollection of what happened.

 

Would my life be different if I had decided to use the car that morning? I would say absolutely, without a doubt, “Yes”. Can I change that now? Of course not, so I must make the most of current position and take everything I learnt from that experience and use it to improve myself and hopefully improve the world around me.

 

Another decision of greater magnitude which I made during that time in ICU was whether to keep fighting to live or just give up. I prayed to God and asked Him to take me out of that situation of pain, discomfort and immense frustration. That day, my wife had placed a newspaper article of the accident, at the foot of my hospital bed and the photo used in the article was me with my two sons. At the point of me giving up, my boys in the photograph ‘spoke’ to me. Some may say it was the drugs, but I believe it was much more than just an induced hallucination. “Daddy, you can’t go now. We need you.” Those words echoed in my swollen brain and right then, I decided I was getting my life back and started a miraculous recovery. Definitely a decision for a new beginning.

 

Conversations during follow-up visits to the surgeons and doctors after being discharged, emphasised how close I was to dying as they had given me slim odds of pulling through. Some even called me their “Miracle patient”.

 

Maybe it was the power of human spirit and determination that got me through? I believe that God was right there with me and His hand was doing the healing in my body.

 

My lesson learnt from that whole experience, is that I am loved immensely. More than I ever realised. My family and friends were amazing during the hospital stay and during my recovery.

 

I have also realised that I am here on this earth, in this particular place, at this precise time, for a reason. Not by chance, fate or random sequence of events. I have a purpose and I will live every day trying to fulfil that purpose. The full scope of my mission is not clear, but as long as I am working towards what I do know, the rest will be revealed in due course.

 

Why have I shared all of this with you?

Firstly the impact of making decisions. Consider all your decisions carefully as you never realise what impact they could have.

Secondly, I believe we all have a significant purpose to fulfil. I’d rather you realise that without having to go through some traumatic incident. If you haven’t done so already, decide to believe in yourself as unique and specifically created with a purpose in mind. Believing that without a doubt, would truly be a new beginning for you. Take up the challenge to discover your mission and embark on a journey of doing remarkable things.