Choose Change

“Something wasn’t right. I knew it wasn’t right. But I didn’t want to admit it wasn’t right. If I admitted it wasn’t right, I would have to change.” Allison Vesterfelt.

When I read the above paragraph, a sense of guilt came over me, as I too have had that same conversation in my head, barring the last sentence. I could tell that something wasn’t altogether perfect. Although not straight away, I could recognise that the problem but then almost at the same time file it on the shelf in the “to be sorted out later” category. The admission of my contribution to the problem was never forth-coming. Perhaps my sub-conscious knew that if I made the connection between the issue and my role, then my internal locus would require me to effect a change. Maybe it’s just me or perhaps a typical male response, but a kind of ostrich mentality is adopted, whereby, I stick my head in the ground and pretend that the problem doesn’t exist or wait until I think the issue is over. Reading that paragraph above has opened my eyes to how situations should be handled.

 

·         Identify the issue.

·         Recognise that it isn’t right.

·         Acknowledge your role.

·         Admit responsibility for your role.

·         Change.

This takes a substantial amount of humility. Something I think the modern world is lacking. Everyone is trying to outdo the next in order to get ahead and be more successful, but at what cost?

I’ll be the first to admit that my pride is a huge obstacle in achieving those steps above. Admission of being wrong is perceived by the world as a weakness, a failure even. We (I), try everything to defend and justify rather than stand back, reflect on what the real issues are and change what needs to be changed… Ourselves.

Of course every situation doesn’t call for you to fold over and always accept responsibility, but deep inside I think we all know when we have contributed to the issue. Hopefully that small, still voice hasn’t been so suppressed that you can’t hear it whispering to you anymore. When you feel that stirring, when you hear that inner voice, that’s when we (I) need to stand up and take account for our actions and move towards a better outcome.

Perhaps we can take this a step further, and suppose we spend some time reviewing our lives and what we are unhappy with. Consider your career, family feuds, relationship problems, finances, etc… any aspect of your life that you find yourself constantly thinking about. These may be brought about by your own actions, in full, in part or perhaps you may be completely blameless and circumstances are what they are completely by external events. Now, that you find yourself in an unsatisfying situation it  is your responsibility to effect the change. If you have admitted responsibility, you would know what needs to be done or changed to rectify the issue. If you have identified what it is that is causing the unhappiness, then you can put measures in place to protect yourself from future similar circumstances and also, to plan steps towards the goal of restoration or greater fulfilment.

Change is not always easy, and is often not a very pleasant process but it is necessary for us, in order to keep moving forward. The alternative is putting your head in the ground and waiting for the storm to move on by… Choose change.