Enough!

Being dubbed “Mr Motivation” by some, because of these blogs, I often find myself replaying conversations in my mind and I have to admit that I do cringe at some of the negativity that I generate. Somebody even said to me, that I should read some of my own blogs…

I guess I am as susceptible to my surroundings and the constant torrent of outside influences as the next person. All the books and motivational speakers say that you should surround yourself with positive people and things that lift you up rather than drag you down. This of course would be ideal, but we live in a world where, to describe it as gently as possible, people don’t always have the best intentions at heart, others are suffering from hurts or are physically ill. So I don’t think we can escape the negativity completely. The key though is to recognise when those negative influences are starting to make an impact on how you think and take corrective action before it affects the way you behave. Every action or word spoken started as a thought in your mind. Almost nothing we do these days, is by instinct alone. In a way, everything has been pre-meditated and influenced by what we have allowed to enter our thoughts.

What have you allowed to influence your thinking in the last 24 hours?

The emphasis is on the word ‘allowed’, as you have a choice to let that thought run rampant or you can take it captive and say, “Enough!” and direct your attention towards where you want to be.

Being a reserved sort of person I often sit quietly, but I have to carefully watch where my thoughts wander. It is very easy to start sliding down that path of negativity and once going, the spiralling free-fall picks up speed at an incredible rate. The earlier you raise the alarm, the less work it is to get back up to the top again as you wouldn’t have lost much altitude. Run with the negativity and you will find dark and overgrown places that will ensnare you. Breaking free may even seem impossible, and in fact, it could become so dark you may not even remember the heights you descended from. I hope this message reminds someone that there is more, far more than the darkness you find yourself surrounded in. Trust and believe. Take that first step away from the negativity and just keep on moving. Before long you will be making your way back up. Make an effort to tell someone close to you what you are doing. This climb is easier with someone who is strong and willing to reach out a hand. Beware of slipping as it is very easy to fall back into familiar thought patterns. A single word, “Enough!” and put that thought behind you and begin regaining the altitude you deserve.

For me, music is a great motivator. Songs with meaningful, heartfelt lyrics provide me with measures of inspiration. As a wannabe guitarist, I really admire the skills of the artists playing their instruments. I take note of how the sounds build and subside, how different instruments lead at different times of a song and how the producer has brought all these elements together. A song can take me straight back to a time and place, where I can almost smell what I could at that snapshot moment.

Find something that inspires you and bring that into focus when you feel yourself stumbling or when your thoughts start drifting back into the depths again. It’s one thing to say, ”Enough”, but you need that ‘go to place’ to replace the negative thoughts or they will creep back and take centre stage again.
 

I know I am going to be challenged with this, but my goal from today is to be more encouraging and stop the spread of negativity. I hope I will have some partners in this goal who can, not only keep me accountable but also be there, if or when I start slipping. 

Day 1 START.

Choose Change

“Something wasn’t right. I knew it wasn’t right. But I didn’t want to admit it wasn’t right. If I admitted it wasn’t right, I would have to change.” Allison Vesterfelt.

When I read the above paragraph, a sense of guilt came over me, as I too have had that same conversation in my head, barring the last sentence. I could tell that something wasn’t altogether perfect. Although not straight away, I could recognise that the problem but then almost at the same time file it on the shelf in the “to be sorted out later” category. The admission of my contribution to the problem was never forth-coming. Perhaps my sub-conscious knew that if I made the connection between the issue and my role, then my internal locus would require me to effect a change. Maybe it’s just me or perhaps a typical male response, but a kind of ostrich mentality is adopted, whereby, I stick my head in the ground and pretend that the problem doesn’t exist or wait until I think the issue is over. Reading that paragraph above has opened my eyes to how situations should be handled.

 

·         Identify the issue.

·         Recognise that it isn’t right.

·         Acknowledge your role.

·         Admit responsibility for your role.

·         Change.

This takes a substantial amount of humility. Something I think the modern world is lacking. Everyone is trying to outdo the next in order to get ahead and be more successful, but at what cost?

I’ll be the first to admit that my pride is a huge obstacle in achieving those steps above. Admission of being wrong is perceived by the world as a weakness, a failure even. We (I), try everything to defend and justify rather than stand back, reflect on what the real issues are and change what needs to be changed… Ourselves.

Of course every situation doesn’t call for you to fold over and always accept responsibility, but deep inside I think we all know when we have contributed to the issue. Hopefully that small, still voice hasn’t been so suppressed that you can’t hear it whispering to you anymore. When you feel that stirring, when you hear that inner voice, that’s when we (I) need to stand up and take account for our actions and move towards a better outcome.

Perhaps we can take this a step further, and suppose we spend some time reviewing our lives and what we are unhappy with. Consider your career, family feuds, relationship problems, finances, etc… any aspect of your life that you find yourself constantly thinking about. These may be brought about by your own actions, in full, in part or perhaps you may be completely blameless and circumstances are what they are completely by external events. Now, that you find yourself in an unsatisfying situation it  is your responsibility to effect the change. If you have admitted responsibility, you would know what needs to be done or changed to rectify the issue. If you have identified what it is that is causing the unhappiness, then you can put measures in place to protect yourself from future similar circumstances and also, to plan steps towards the goal of restoration or greater fulfilment.

Change is not always easy, and is often not a very pleasant process but it is necessary for us, in order to keep moving forward. The alternative is putting your head in the ground and waiting for the storm to move on by… Choose change.

Losing the Wonder

My son said to me the other night, “Dad, imagine if we could jump so high we jumped into space. We could then go see the moon and all the spaceships…”

It just struck me how wonderful and free a child’s mind is. It hasn’t been constrained by life’s ‘practical-ness’ and expectations.

I can imagine the responses I would get if I started a conversation about jumping to the moon or lying on the grass, arms spread wide imagining I could just lift off and start flying.  Perhaps my quirky sense how humour may let me get away with it but in general, people would look at me with dismay and would probably reject anything intelligent I may have to say after that.

I think that it is rather sad, that, as we grow older and “wiser”, we lose the wonder of a child. My mother has always asked that she be considered for organ donation at her time of graduation and in particular he would like her eyes to be given to a child so in this way she can see the world again with a child’s wonder. I ask, why can’t we do that right now?

For a moment, put aside the seriousness of life and the atrocities of man all over the world. Open your mind and see things as a child would. Imagine seeing ants for the first time and watching them go about their duties collecting food and rebuilding their nests. Just spend a moment watching the sun rise, or the spectacular colour changes during a sunset. And I don’t mean a casual glance, and a “Oh, how pretty!” type of moment. I mean, make a concerted effort to stop what it is that you are doing and spend the moment in wonder and appreciation for something glorious and wonderful. Study it, watch how quickly the sun appears over the horizon. Be amazed at how a massive ball of burning gases sustains life on our world. Watch the ants, and consider how oblivious they are that the sun is even there and what it does for them.  I guess, in some ways we have become more like the ants than we would like to admit. Our focus has been on ‘the doing’ of life and the experience of life is being lost in the process. What we have been given is truly a miracle and should be treated as such. Work, career, responsibility are things we have to deal with as part of the journey but don’t allow those to cause you to miss out on the experiences that make the journey worthwhile. Otherwise you may as well have been created as an ant, and you weren’t. You are a human being with a purpose and an important role to play in this world. You may or may not believe that, but my faith tells me it is true and I will keep on keeping-on trying to make an impact, even if it is one indeterminable step at a time.

As an engineer, I guess it is in my character to be curious about the why and how things work. So for me to find things that fill me with wonder are pretty easy. Things that ‘normal’ people find dull, really get me excited. As uninteresting as a door hinge is, it is a remarkable invention. I often find myself sitting wondering how things were invented. How did someone come up with the idea of a hinge?  If we take the time to be still and reflect, we all have things that fill us with wonder, it’s just we don’t make the time to enjoy moments of wonder.

Return to a child-like state and find your moments. Awaken the wonder in yourself and you may just find a new dream to build towards...

Looking After the Whole

So many of the things around us require maintenance and care as well as the occasional upgrade. From our cars to our homes to our computers. Without the regular upkeep, they become sluggish, untidy and will ultimately result in premature failure.

Do we do the same for our minds and body?

Currently there are so many ailing people around. Much has to do with the colder weather, people being indoors more and the greater propensity for spreading viruses and bacterial diseases. I do believe there is still a large aspect of neglect when it comes to maintenance of ourselves.  

“When last did you something for your mind, body or soul?”

This is a quote I read on a poster some time ago that has stuck with me. It reminds me that we do need to take account that the components of our make-up do require some attention to keep our ‘whole’ in its best condition. I don’t think any one of the three are more, or less important than the other, although we each have a natural preference and tend to glean towards it. The problem lies in if one component is completely neglected.

• A mind that is left uninspired or bombarded with constant negativity will degenerate.
• A body that is pushed to the edge of performance without the correct preparation, sustenance and rest will likely become injured or ill.
• A soul that is not nurtured will wither and eventually lose that spark of life.

The ‘whole’ is only as good as the building blocks that it is comprised of. One weak block can jeopardise the integrity of your entire make-up.

Last week I wrote about doing something that would rejuvenate your spirit. This is an aspect of the maintenance we require, but we still need the regular routine services to keep everything running as it should.

Continuously challenge your mind by being exposed to new ideas and read thought provoking articles or books to stimulate your brain. Associate with people who challenge your intellect.

Go for a walk, join a boot-camp, play a sport, each some fresh fruit, just put down that fast food take-away and get off the couch or get away from your computer and keep your body healthy.

For your soul, spend some quiet time meditating on what inspires you. As a Christian this would be a time in prayer and reading the bible. For others it may be just sitting quietly contemplating life in general. In our business of life this is often the first block that is sacrificed. I urge you (and me) to re-evaluate the importance of the soul in your make-up and give it the attention it too requires.

I often find time or rather the lack thereof as the biggest reason not being able to do my maintenance. The risk is that a downward spiral starts, where the lack of maintenance results in some failings that put you further behind schedule or results in poor performance that robs you of more time to rectify. Now there is even less time to do maintenance... At some point there will be complete breakdown where your ‘whole’ is no longer whole and a forced stop will be required to rebuild what has been damaged. Rather evaluate what you currently spend your time on. There will always be something that is completely value-less that can be replaced with some much needed maintenance. In the long run, this will actually lead to having more free time, as you will be more efficient, positive and inspired.

I challenge you, this weekend, do something for your mind, body and spirit and just see what impact it has on your performance next week.

Value the Importance of Your Spirit

I have dreamed of watching a volcano erupting. I don’t know why exactly, but just know I need to see the power of nature in this form. See the colours of the molten lava. Maybe even be close enough to feel the extreme heat. I would also like to go on a hot air balloon trip, maybe across the Serengeti, watching the animals from this unique vantage point. I also enjoy being in the coolness of overgrown forests, breathing in the fresh clean air. Watching the sunrise while out on a morning ride also brings much joy to my spirit. There are many more similar types of undertakings each and every one of us enjoys or desires to do.

Why am I writing about these things in this message?

Well, the question is, “What practical, functional benefits do these things provide?”

On the surface, absolutely none, they are just fanciful undertakings to appease an internal desire. But remember, we are human and part of us is our spirit that makes up our personal character. We also have a soul, but that  is a whole different message.  Just as we need to satisfy of physical body, we too need to satisfy our spirit. A person’s whose body that is nourished but spirit is lacking, won’t be fulfilled until such time that all parts are satisfied. We all know that feeling after a great holiday or an exciting weekend; we can feel tired but somehow, still be overwhelmed with enthusiasm for life.

I think we don’t give enough attention or priority to the whimsical things our spirit wants us to do. We dismiss then as nice-to-haves that we will do when (if) we get a chance. That is our failing because of the pressure of work, family responsibilities and other community activities. All very necessary, but sometimes we need to look at the withered spirit and give it the much needed nourishment it yearns for. Take that early morning walk on the beach and feel the sand between your toes. Go fishing, if you have had it on the to do list forever. Start that hobby you have been planning to do when you get that quiet moment. Play a musical instrument  or perhaps just read a book. It is that simple to do. You just have to start.

Once you feel the rewards, what you initially felt was a sacrifice of time, will be seen as a valuable investment. Your outlook on life will extend past the immediate mediocrity of work and paying bills. There is so much more. With the passing of another colleague, it is a reminder that our time is not indefinite and we don’t know when our last day will come. I would hate to have the regret, when looking back over my life, of not getting out there to see that volcano or taking that balloon trip just because I didn’t value the importance of my spirit as part of my being.