Gravity has a purpose. It was specifically designed to enable life on earth as we know it. It is constant and uniform. Some days however, I can feel that I have overcome gravity and I literally feel like I am bouncing with every step I take. Other days, I feel like the pull of gravity has been dialled up as part of a cruel experiment on this oversized terrarium. I have had this as a physical response when my body is so fatigued that my legs just feel multiple times heavier than they normally do. I have also had this as an emotional response where I have felt the effect of gravity collapsing everything in around me. To be honest, recently the latter feeling has been prevalent more often than the lightness of the almost zero-gravity state. There are many reasons why, the details of which I won't go into here but just that it has been a multi-faceted "attack" on my mind-space and not just a singular incident that has hi-jacked my attention. It has been a gradual building of a load; a little added at a time such that each change seems manageable so I would carry on seemingly unaffected. With each addition however, my threshold of stamina and strength was being drained and with any endurance event, one can only last so long before fatigue will set in. Two things must happen to complete the event, either you must be near or at the end of the race to be able to cross the finish line with the strength you have left or the effort you are placing on yourself must be reduced by slowing down. Well I found the same happening to me except I am nowhere near the finish line so I began to be pulled down. That heavy gravity effect. The world felt like it was being vacuum packed around me, suffocating and squeezing as it was closing in. Yet I still expected myself to keep moving forward with the load placed on my shoulders. I have realised that this is unsustainable and is seriously unhealthy to endure. Fortunately I have not succumbed to physical illness but emotionally I have cut myself out "from life". I think this is
my self-preservation approach in highly stressful situations. I tend to withdraw and steer clear of any social interaction as these are stress raisers (for me they are). So as a method to avoid additional stress-load I close myself off and get by with what may be considered the bare minimum 'acceptable' interaction before a psychologist is called in. The problem with this approach is that it provides you with so much time to process and re-process the same issues in your mind until that is all you can think of.
I wrote previously of the downward spiral you can find yourself in when you get so inward focussed on the problems that you lose sight of where you should be going and where your focus really should be.
Once again, I have found myself spinning down that spiral despite knowing the correct approach.
How many others find themselves going in a similar direction?
That downward pull of gravity can be substantial and should not be under-estimated. The good news is that it is not insurmountable you
can stand up and rise from the downward force of the gravity.
Gravity has a purpose. Just don't give in to it.
