Enjoy the Simple Moments

Commuting becomes such a routine, especially if done at the same time every day, that you almost develop a community of travellers who share the same commute time window. One such member in my travel community, is a guy who uses a bicycle as his means of transport. He stands out from the rest of the cycling commuters as he is kitted out with genuine cycling gear. Blue and white shirt, lycra pants, and a blue helmet. I imagine it is all he has because it is the same gear every day. The other morning I watched him glide down the on-ramp with his arms raised up and spread wide like wings. Not the safest thing to be trying in morning traffic but also not the first time I've seen him trying something slightly perilous. My immediate thought was not the danger but rather how much he was enjoying himself. He was genuinely having a blast, flying like an eagle. How many things do we just do out of duty and not allow ourselves the freedom to actually enjoy simple moments in a child-like manner? Here was this grown man, not giving a care to what people around him thought to just enjoy that moment to the utmost. He will probably never know that his actions that morning are being read about around the globe and, rightly so, he probably wouldn't care either. His actions, did however, gave me reason to pause and to see that we are often so busy considering our appearances and perceived reputation that we miss out on the fun in life, even if it is just in the simple things. Sure there is time to be serious and professional, but I believe an environment where smiles and laughter is the norm, will be far more productive than a hushed morose one. 

I have an unusual mind, in that, I 'see' what people are saying to me in an alternative light as well as the intended meaning. Some, enjoy the alternative light responses I give, and some probably think I am a clown. Just like my cycling eagle, I don't really care, I just want to genuinely enjoy the moment, laugh a lot and hopefully make some people smile a little bit more along the way. These days there is definitely a shortage of smiles, so I will continue to be a "clown" for the sake of those who appreciate it. 

We All Have Washing On The Go.

How do you know when someone is going through something difficult?

I think it is safe to say that everyone you meet IS going through something difficult. You have not and can not walk in everyone's shoes to truly understand what it is they are experiencing. Even if you have some knowledge of what the 'thing' may be and even if you have had a similar experience, you still don't know how that person is processing it. Each one of us deals with stressful situations in very different ways, so be mindful that your empathy has only a small insight into another's pain.

I have read many times, that as men, we feel compelled to be "fixers" so when a problem is identified we feel our duty is to make the situation right again. If we don't know how, or fail in our attempts, that creates a whole other set of stresses. I think it is a bit arrogant that we feel we have the qualifications and skill sets that we should be fixing everything and it was quite a liberation for me to accept that there is in fact more that I don't know than I do know! There are many things I just cannot fix.

Sometimes people just need to talk to air the issue and hear it spoken and shared, rather than actually have a solution provided. There is also comfort in knowing that someone else is aware of your hurts and what is tumbling around in the washing machine of your mind. For all the other people you interact with, that you have no idea of their 'thing', be aware that they too have a load on. You don't know which stage of the process they are in or the magnitude of the load, but be assured they have washing on the go. 

This is just another reason to treat others with respect and humility. I know some people are very difficult to love, but they still deserve a level of courtesy in your interactions. Constantly check your attitude (and altitude) when dealing with people. 

"Stay Fuelled by the Purpose"

This week I have been away from home to attend a software training course in Johannesburg. I have up to now, been trying a DIY or rather TIY (Teach It Yourself) approach with very little success and much frustration. 

The course presenter is supremely knowledgeable about the software due to his years of experience with it and effortlessly navigates his way through menu paths, mouse gestures, selecting variables, updating, referencing, linking and regenerating. Watching him operate is like watching a symphony conductor at work. I’m guessing, but I imagine my efforts at reproducing his baton movements would be very similar to my mimicking the course presenter’s skills.

I cannot even pretend to be an expert in this field but the comforting fact is that he too, at one point sat in the same introductory course I am being trained in. This reminds me of one of my earlier blogs, “You CAN get there from here.” There may be a far off place or somewhere just around the corner, it may be something easily achievable or something on the ‘one-day list’. Whatever it may be, you just have to purpose yourself to go.  Without a purpose, you are just out for a stroll. You may by chance get somewhere but more than likely you’ll either get lost or end up right where you started (with tired legs).

I am much more of a plan and purpose type person. It is just much more efficient use of my time and resources. One of my biggest annoyances is having my efforts wasted. It is completely demoralising and I’ll dramatize it a bit by saying that it is  even disrespectful…

This week away from home, although tough to be away from my family has been productive in gaining momentum for my purpose. It is equipping me for the journey ahead. Gaining the necessary resources for the journey is very important. You could find yourself half-way down the main road and realise that you didn't fill up with gas, halting the journey where it is until you have refuelled. Distractions like these can derail your focus and send you in a completely different direction. Stay fuelled by the purpose and keep your eyes on the goal. Trying to keep a flame burning without sufficient fuel is never going to be successful. This message leads on from last weeks in terms of ‘your purpose’. You need to discover your purpose and try and marry your goals to those purposes. Having identified a clear purpose behind those goals is like bringing in rocket fuel to keep a candle burning. It’s going to burn bright and for a long time...

The Life of a Pickle

What is it that defines who you are?

What is it that gives you purpose?

Where do you add value?

If you had answers to each of those questions, then the next question would be how to further use those qualities. If you say you did not have answers, I say find a quiet moment and read the questions again. Pause that instantaneous thought that enters your mind as you read the question. That very first thought, that is usually pushed aside by over-thinking, general negativity, self-doubt and social condemnation. Allow that first thought to play through a little. Believing that it could possibly be true and you will find that it is usually is the truth. No matter how small or silly the idea may be, take the liberty and run with it, before your mind police arrest your thoughts. Play the movie in your mind and see how it develops and what impact that "silly" idea really has in your world.

My thought police are quite active and forceful in their duties which probably contributes to my quiet demeanor. Any way, allowing my immediate response to the above allows me to realise that I am an integral part of a very blessed family, I have a pretty good spiritual life as a Christian and I do believe I am a positive contributor to the people around me. Even now, the mind-police are trying to get me to re-write that sentence, saying it is boastful, full of pride and a general "who cares about that" type of negativity. I think many others would be facing similar mind-censorship, but suppress those constraints and pursue your ideas anyway and you will see that you too have purpose and value.

If you still struggle to get the "movie" to play, spend your day actively monitoring your interactions as an outsider. A bit of a strange concept but try it. Every conversation you have, watch it as another person in the room. Don't be too critical of yourself, but look for the 'add-value' openings you are provided with. I often "see" them after the person has left and only then realise the lost opportunity I had to uplift someone or to encourage them. Some days I get it right, others I fail completely, but did I mention that some days I get it right!!! That's how it starts, and with some practise, I'll be getting more right days than fail days. It does take effort and putting yourself out-there, but the feeling of positively impacting somebody's life is definitely worth it. You also don't need any special training, degrees or courses to do it. You just start today, with the next person you meet. Go.

(What did the title of my message today have to do with the content? I don't know, but it was the immediate thought I had when I realised I hadn't filled in a title and I just ran with it without the mind-police correcting me...)

Remit and Release

So having a public holiday on a Friday, messes a bit with my early Friday morning schedule of sitting down and writing my blog. Doing a half marathon instead, messes a bit with my entire body...  Now it's time to catch-up.
Maybe that should be the sub-title for my message today, it's never too late to "catch-up"! Whatever has happened, has happened, you cannot change that. What you can change is what you decide to do today. I am probably one of the most stubborn people around and I know I can really dig my heels in and resist doing the right thing all out of stubbornness or in another word, pride. I can latch onto an incident and rewind and replay it over and over in my mind, reinforcing the emotions each time. This is the problem with the "quiet-types", while the mouth is still, the brain is in hyper-drive. (Although not always in a negative way.)
What should I be doing?   -  Remit and Release. Today.
Fix what can be fixed, apologise again if you have faulted, forgive if you were on the receiving end. And then, release the incident. Release doesn't mean forget; it just means not holding it so close to your heart that you are not able to feel anything else. Releasing "it" also releases yourself to move on. It takes your focus off of "it" and frees you to see everything else you have been missing out on.
What is "it" that has you captured? Is it a hurt you can't seem to move past? An action you can't seem to forgive? A word passed in a moment of emotion that now haunts you? Is it regret for something you should have done and didn't step out and do-it?
There are so many "its", that could possibly imprison our hearts and minds that we have to be on the alert and rectify them as soon as we can before we build a fortress around ourselves.
Start today with the first thing that has your focus while reading this. See if there is any action you can take to rectify the situation and do it, right now. Apologise or forgive those involved. It may be a case of forgiving yourself or forgiving people who unknowingly have hurt you. Forgive them anyway. Start with a head-based forgiveness and allow the thoughts of forgiveness to percolate into your heart. Once this is done, open those clenched fists holding onto the "it" and allow it to dissolve. You can feel the constriction of the pain and hurt being eased off and you realise just how trapped you were. Release and be free once more.